So I'm still hormonal. I haven't really done too much research on the God & Hormones thing, except some quick internet searches (Bible Gateway, Google, etc.) and there really isn't anything out there.
I saw some essays written by people with strong opinions on what they think God uses hormones for. One individual believes PMS is a recent manifestation from processed foods and growth hormones in cows. The author of this one article believes that before the mid 1800's no women ever had PMS. The symptoms of PMS are based on what we put into our body. I find that hard to believe. I know that certain foods and medicines may not help, but the Bible still says that God gave women the pains of childbirth... and I believe every month women have a small dose of those pains to prepare us.
Another article I read talked about how hormones are necessary for God's purpose for a woman's reproductive system. So basically, hormones and menstruation are God's way of furthering the human race: "be fruitful and multiply." That's common sense in my opinion. This is an obvious example of how God created us with a purpose... but that made me a little depressed. I have all the symptoms of "be fruitful and multiply" without the ability to meet the ends. So I got a little angry for about 2 minutes. Why do I have to feel crappy a few days out of each month for most of my adult life and still not be able to reap the rewards God intended from my body's efforts? Bitter, 100 percent yes...
After years of "throwing caution to the wind" and then more years of intentially trying to start a family, my monthly friend has become a source of pain and bitterness. Every month I go through another day or two of anger, sadness, and bitterness. I know this is getting kind of personal, but this is important to look at when thinking of how our body and its functions relate to what God intended for our lives.
How do I reconcile my mood swings, and icky feelings with the fact that, as far as I know, these hormones aren't doing anything to help me start the biological family I believe I deserve to have - the family everyone else is allowed, but we're not? If I could turn off my body's hormone switch because I'm not getting anything out of my efforts, I would definitely do it. But God has other plans.
The truth is I want a family, but God knows my needs better than I do, and he has a perfect plan for my life. He has had this plan before I was born. Psalms 139:16 says "your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
It's really hard to sit back and let God do His thing. I go back and forth between being faithful and being bitter. I hope I'm faithful more than I'm bitter, but I do get angry with God sometimes. He knows it. But we all have burdens we are meant to carry. Not that God intends for anyone to be sick. That goes against his initial will for His people. But God still uses all things for good. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Something good will come out of my burden. I know it. I have already been able to talk with others about my experience and encourage them to seek out God to help comfort them in their own experience of loss.
I guess I have to try to remember all of this each month when I rip Rich apart, and cry for no reason because my hormones are doing their job the best they can, even if God has other plans for me for the month. God is still with me every day (the good and the bad) and His plan for me is better than anything I could ever plan for myself and my husband.
But lastly, the most important thing I need to remember is I already have a family. Richard is my family. Children do not make a family. Love makes a family.
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Good night.
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3 comments:
I can feel your frustration, and knowing you as a friend I am certain that your "monthly friend" can be such a bitter reminder of the both of your efforts to have children. I think you and Rich are doing the right thing and taking your frustrations to God for him to carry, and you are such an inspiration for everyone who feels the frustrations of wanting a family. Whether a married couple is just starting to try, have been trying for years, or an unwed couple with one of them becoming frustrated with waiting - you are an inspiration for everyone.
As far as the hormones part, I would like to think of it as God testing women to have and take control. My experiences have been that God wants women to experience emotions on a deeper level as a blessing. There are many scientific reasons for why women's bodies act and react. I love the quote "life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% on how you react to it." I think that every time I am having a bad day, feel crummy, or just plain miserable - there is always something to be thankful for, and always someone else who is having it worse. (I say this as need help doing this as well) I think we (women) need to help each other get through the rough patches with a smile on our faces. I know everyone deals with different dilemmas in their life time and handles them differently as well, but some situations are similar. I think we all have to be thankful for the present, and not get wrapped up in the future. I know I have trouble doing this all of the time, and struggle with it daily. I keep thinking that if I was just a few years into the future, I would be much happier. I would have my degree done and have a good paying job, I would be married (hopefully) and I would be, well, just happier than I am now. Maybe God is telling you and I to be happy and enjoy our life now. I think we both are pretty happy people, but maybe we need to step it up a notch and really feel happy and full of joy all of the time. This is such a coincidence as this is one of my many resolutions this year!
Proverbs 17:22 "A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones."
Thanks for your thoughts Sara! I'm a lot less hormonal today and can think a little more clearly :)
I like what you said about God testing woman to have and take control. It definitely prepares us to be stronger physically than maybe we were originally made to be. Men really don't have anything like this on a normal basis to test them. But then again, most woman don't think about sex as much as most men. So at least we don't have THOSE hormones to worry about. I can't even imagine feeling lust every time a sexy guy walks by. But that's a whole other issue :)
I definitely agree with you, I need to learn to be happy with the life God has given me and enjoy my life now as I live it. I love the fact that I have bible study to look forward to every week with you and Suzanne (and Mike and and Rich). I love that I am enjoying my new job, and I love that I really don't have that much to worry about (except my stupid leaky roof). My life could be a heck of a lot worse and I am abundantly blessed. Thanks for being a great friend, Sara! Love you!
My next blog will be more positive and less gooey :)
An interesting article on PMS from a BioMedical Anthropological perspective can be found here:
http://biomedical.binghamton.edu/pms.shtml
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