Me and the Internet

Yesterday I decided to give up Facebook for a week. I'm almost 32 hours into my "fast" and so far so good.  I realized, however, every time I go on the web I have a certain routine. I check yahoo mail, I check yahoo news, I check facebook, I check twitter, and a few random websites. My bank account, relevantmagazine.com, etc. So I have to consciously tell myself not to type in facebook.com.

Because I have an I-Phone, I can still get alerts from facebook saying people send me messages.  So far in 32 hours I got one alert from my sister.  After that she texted me a few times, and nothing else.  So in this 24 hours I have not read my friends updates or posted my own. I'm out of the social loop and that's ok. I'm surviving.  I have since turned off my alerts.

Fifteen years ago (half my life ago) when I was 15, my family got AOL.  In December of 1994, I didn't have it and that was ok, but in January 1995 suddenly I could talk to complete strangers on the computer about anything and everything and it was intoxicating.  Anything I wanted to learn about I could search. I could see photos and articles on Pearl Jam and other interests I had.  It changed my life forever.  In fact, that's how I met my husband, and for that I'm forever grateful.

I am part of Generation X (if you want to label me), which are those of us born between approximately 1965 and 1980, and I actually remember a time before the internet.  What did I do for fun before the internet? Of course I watched a ton of tv (old sitcoms, soap operas, primetime TV, tv movies of the week before Lifetime network, MTV when there were still music videos), I went on our ancient computer and created outlines of houses in Paint.  I drew pictures of characters and wrote short stories and poems. I wrote in my journal.  I made home movies with my siblings.  I play Nintendo (Tetris and Super Mario Bros).  I hung out with my friends and had picnics, sleep overs, wrote songs, played games, rode bikes, watched movies, went to the movies, took walks around the neighborhood, went to afterschool programs and dances, watched my brothers baseball games, played card games (Spit!!), pulled all nighters and made forts. Made my own "books" out of magazine photos of my favorite actors.  Read comics (like Archie - not superheros).  Read books like Little House on the Prairie, Little Women, Babysitters Club, and later on deeper things like Even Cowgirls get the Blues and What's Eating Gilbert Grape.  I remember listening to actual vinyl albums of old 60's songs my parents had, and 80s stuff like "We are the World," and knowing tons of Beatles songs thanks to my brothers before I even bought one of their records. I used to listen to Casey Casem's Top 40 every Sunday morning when I woke up. I bought my first tape (Motown Philly by Boyz II Men) and my 2nd tape was Blood Sugar Sex Magik by Red Hot Chili Peppers which was a gift when I was 12.

Kids existed before the internet.  They survived without it, and even had some fun.  Looking back I may have been a whiny, sensistive kid, but I was still able to keep myself busy without a computer until I was 15.

After we got AOL, well, let's just say I don't think I've gone more than two days since without being on the computer.  And at this point in my life, it would be impossible. It's an intergral part of my daily work life and home life.  What do I use it for?

- Balancing my checkbook
- Paying my bills
- Keeping in touch with my family, friends, and social groups (church, etc.) through yahoo mail, facebook and twitter and planning events
- Posting my opinions through updates and blogs and emails
- Looking up recipes, movie times, phone numbers, addresses
- Looking up answers to any random question that comes up (Whose that actor in this movie we're watching, I think I saw him in - movie name -)
- Keeping up with my interests like Pearl Jam, concerts, etc.
- Watching tv shows on Hulu and Abc.com, including Lost podcasts
- Listening to podcasts from churches, including my own
- Watching new movie trailers
- Checking IMDB for movie news
- Buy gifts and items on amazon
- Buy plane tickets
- Reading NYtimes and yahoo news for updates on what's going on in the world
- Looking up symptoms when I have a medical issue
- Forwarding interesting articles to family and friends
- Checking message boards for Lost and other random websites
- etc etc etc.

I just watched a PBS documentary (on Netflix through Instant Watch which is connected through our internet through our Playstation) on the Internet generation, kids who are teenagers right now and have never NOT had the internet. They have their online profiles, and are always connected through facebook, myspace and their cell phones.  They create new personas for themselves and have secret online lives their parents don't even know about. Their attention span is shortened as they multi-task more and more and accept less information.  These kids talked about how they can't even read whole books anymore.  They just want quick summaries of information and then move on to the next thing. Although I'm not in this generation, when I was a teen, I was actually only one of a few of my friends who I knew went online every day (we had chat rooms and IM, no social networking yet...), so I still feel like my life is defined by my relationship to my computer, but even more specifically the internet.

Something clicked in me tonight as I suffer "facebook withdrawal" and watched these teenagers literally wasting their time on the computer for hours a night without experiencing the outside world in person... I miss being disconnected (I know that sounds weird).  I miss books and walks and talking to people on the phone.  Rich and I used to stay up for hours talking on the phone when we were dating long distance. It was always better and more real than when we chatted online.

I especially miss writing... with pen or pencil... on a piece of paper. I used to write in my journal every day for 10 years... then I got married and all my thoughts went into emails, facebook statuses, and now blog entries.  Whatever happened to true journaling, crossing out thoughts, doodling, contemplative meditative writing?

I want to give up the Internet for Lent... Rich thinks I'm crazy...

Now I know what you're thinking... you think I'm crazy too.  But it won't be for naught.  It will be a lesson in discipline.  Can I do it? Can I give up something I've done every day for the last 15 years?  It will be a lesson in organization.  How will I pay my bills which are all online now?  It will also be a lesson in how to re-relate to people.  I'll have to call my friends to set up plans... I have one friend I talk to on the phone once in a while and even she and I use facebook to make plans.  Can I proactively pick up the phone to keep in contact with family and friends when I haven't been doing it for years, outside of calling my mom and sister once every few weeks?  It will also be an opportunity to become closer to God.  Part of fasting anything (whether it's food, sex or the internet) is to use that time you would normally be using for the the thing you're fasting to help you meditate on God, and prayer and scripture.

I need to be realistic in my fasting.  I cannot fast from the internet at work.  I use a computer and email every day and it's a necessity.  So between February 17th and April 3rd I will only allow myself to use the internet when I'm at work.  I will only use it for work related things (no checking yahoo mail at work - that's cheating, and no personal emails from my work email).

I will turn the email and facebook off on my I-Phone.  I will allow texts to come through, but I will not text people back.  I will only call people back.

I have two options for bills since we're all paperless now: Set up automatic payments for the 40 days or allow myself online ONLY to pay my bills.  Although we're never late on our bills, I check my bank account almost every day and use my computer to balance it.  So if I set up all automatic payments, we'll have to be super disciplined in not overspending (which we usually do on food).  However, we are getting our tax refund soon, so it could serve as cushion money, you know, just in case...

And when I think about all this in perspective... people survived without the internet for thousands of years... and Jesus survived 40 days in the wilderness... I can spend 40 days off the computer while I'm not at work.

During those 40 days I hope to pray more, read the Bible every day, ask God for strength and self-control. I also plan on journaling my experience, my feelings, my frustrations (which I know I will have), and my insights.  I will then return to this blog after Easter and post it here.

I'm scared... in fact, I'm terrifed... that I will not succeed, and that this will all be looked at as a joke.  But I'm completely serious.  I really hope I will have the support of my family and friends.  I hope you will call me instead of emailing me.  I hope we can become closer through this.

Some days I'm just so tired of being addicted to the computer. I'm on it all day at work, then I come home and I'm on it. I'm on it while I watch tv, and I'm on it before I go to bed.  What am I missing out on by being so connected while being so disconnected? I have 150 books on my shelves that I have yet to read as I surf the web for nothing in particular instead.  I have family members I have not spoken to in months as I go on Facebook and reload to see someone's new status from the last 5 minutes.  I watch stupid You Tube videos, but can't open my Bible except on the Sundays I make it to church, and every other week at Bible Study.  The lack of the internet is nothing compared to things of true sustenance that people lack every day.  A billion people go hungry every day.  Lack of clean water kills 2 million children a year.  My priorities don't make sense.

I'm not doing this to be noticed or be seen as great.  I hope over the 40 days of Lent to make God my first priority, just as Jesus did his 40 days in the desert (Matthew 4:1-11), and grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ.  Then I hope to reconnect with my husband, my family and friends.  My hope is that God uses me the way He chooses and all my actions be used to glorify His name, and I can commune with God, thanking him for his bountiful blessings in my life and ask him for continued guidance and wisdom.

"As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength." - Psalm 138:3
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13

"I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:12

Peace, Love, God Bless,
Debi