I'm moving my blog to a new site, new format... Working with God is no longer.
Meet up with me on Wordpress.com at Two Schnoodles and a Fat Cat.
The topics will be more varied, focusing on everything from pets and culture, to faith and politics. Hope you will join me in the conversation!!
Thanks for everything.
Peace, Love and God Bless,
Debi
Monday, August 9, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Square peg
I'm beginning to realize the hole in my heart is not shaped like a baby, like I thought it was, but it's the shape of a man, God in the flesh, Jesus Christ. He's waiting for me to let Him fill that void. It's like a 3 year old trying to push a square into the cut out for a circle. It's always easier to continue thinking you need something you really don't because you think it will bring this elusive happiness (which doesn't really exist), but it's alot harder to accept what you truly need in life to bring you freedom, true love, peace, and contentment - a relationship with the living God, the God who died for my sins. The God who created me even though He knew I would reject Him. The God who continues to love me, even though I disobey Him. The God who forgives me because I believe. I'm SO thankful for his mercy and grace. I so don't deserve it, but I so do appreciate it...
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Regrets
Sometimes it's so easy to regret doing something - what if's plague you, but you can never turn back the clock, even if you wish you could. Live and learn and wait for that next moment, that next (sometimes) major decision you have to make. Maybe you'll do the right thing, maybe you'll do the wrong thing. But that's life! I have hope in something bigger than myself. That's what keeps me going. Even though I'm an idiot a lot of the time, I know He has my back, even if I don't deserve it :) Grace is a beautiful thing
Sunday, May 2, 2010
A Prayer... Letting Him In
Dear Father God,
Today I give up my compulsion to You. I have faith that You can guide me through recovery from something that has had a hold of me for two decades. Thank you for Your love and mercy and forgiveness. My compulsions have made me more compassionate, but I'm ready to stop using them as an excuse to relate to people, and pray my coming deliverance will be an encouragement to others seeking recovery from their own compulsions. I believe by Your wounds I am healed.
In the holy name of Jesus,
Debi
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
Today I give up my compulsion to You. I have faith that You can guide me through recovery from something that has had a hold of me for two decades. Thank you for Your love and mercy and forgiveness. My compulsions have made me more compassionate, but I'm ready to stop using them as an excuse to relate to people, and pray my coming deliverance will be an encouragement to others seeking recovery from their own compulsions. I believe by Your wounds I am healed.
In the holy name of Jesus,
Debi
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I'm back
My little internet-less adventure didn't turn out exactly as I planned. I slowly returned to internet use in gradual phases during lent. But I did have some success in terms of eating. I also tried to give up: soda, fast food, chocolate chip cookies and chocolate candy. I gave in on the soda once, the fries 2x (and both times they made me sick), but my biggest accomplishment was the cookies and candy. The day before easter I gave in and had a chocolate chip cookie and I didn't have one piece of candy during lent. That's right, I went a month and half without eating chocolate chip cookies and candy. I thought that would have been harder than the internet. I was very wrong.
My goal was to grow in my relationship with God (isn't that the point of fasting?). But in the end I wasn't praying much more or reading the bible more... I did listen to more sermons on podcasts and start doing more things at church (a young adult group), which is all well and good, but in terms of my personal relationship with God, I struggled with making that part of my every day routine. In some ways I feel this fasting exercise was really just for myself to prove I could do something. Which defeats the purpose of fasting. In fact, I was shutting God out almost the entire time. Matthew 6:16-18 warns against exactly what I was doing - making it public, putting the word out there: "look at me."
“When you fast, do not look sullen like the hypocrites, for they make their faces unattractive so that people will see them fasting. I tell you the truth, they have their reward. When you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others when you are fasting, but only to your Father who is in secret. And your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you."
Another issue I realized I was having was the guilt of not being able to keep my promise to fast. It was bordering on legalism, the feeling that I must keep certain rules in order for God to love me or forgive me or save me. Well guess what people, I don't believe in legalism. Legalism has to do with man made rules. Jesus didn't tell me to give up the internet. I told myself that. There's nothing wrong with giving it up, but I shouldn't put non-biblical rules on myself for a decision I made. I think in the end God cares more about the fact that I wasn't praying more or diving into his word, then the fact I decided after two weeks I wanted to check my yahoo mail. I also believe that our actions should change based on our love for God and desire to be obedient to Him, and not because we want to prove a point.
The weird thing, though, is I feel like I think about God constantly and I know he knows my heart and my thoughts. But I don't feel like I know Him near as well as He desires me to or I desire to. I do not have a substantial prayer life and I think that is where I went wrong in terms of my Lent experience. So my next question for myself is how do I make prayer and reading God's word a priority in my life so that I may grow in relationship with Jesus?
My goal was to grow in my relationship with God (isn't that the point of fasting?). But in the end I wasn't praying much more or reading the bible more... I did listen to more sermons on podcasts and start doing more things at church (a young adult group), which is all well and good, but in terms of my personal relationship with God, I struggled with making that part of my every day routine. In some ways I feel this fasting exercise was really just for myself to prove I could do something. Which defeats the purpose of fasting. In fact, I was shutting God out almost the entire time. Matthew 6:16-18 warns against exactly what I was doing - making it public, putting the word out there: "look at me."
“When you fast, do not look sullen like the hypocrites, for they make their faces unattractive so that people will see them fasting. I tell you the truth, they have their reward. When you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others when you are fasting, but only to your Father who is in secret. And your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you."
Another issue I realized I was having was the guilt of not being able to keep my promise to fast. It was bordering on legalism, the feeling that I must keep certain rules in order for God to love me or forgive me or save me. Well guess what people, I don't believe in legalism. Legalism has to do with man made rules. Jesus didn't tell me to give up the internet. I told myself that. There's nothing wrong with giving it up, but I shouldn't put non-biblical rules on myself for a decision I made. I think in the end God cares more about the fact that I wasn't praying more or diving into his word, then the fact I decided after two weeks I wanted to check my yahoo mail. I also believe that our actions should change based on our love for God and desire to be obedient to Him, and not because we want to prove a point.
The weird thing, though, is I feel like I think about God constantly and I know he knows my heart and my thoughts. But I don't feel like I know Him near as well as He desires me to or I desire to. I do not have a substantial prayer life and I think that is where I went wrong in terms of my Lent experience. So my next question for myself is how do I make prayer and reading God's word a priority in my life so that I may grow in relationship with Jesus?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
A break from Lent
I'm breaking my fast from the internet at Lent this Sunday, just for today, because I read an article that said some people break their Lent fast on Sundays to remember the resurrection of Jesus Christ. I figure this would be a good opportunity to come back to internet land and discuss my experience so far.
I have actually been fasting from more than just the internet. I gave myself 3 fasts:
1. no internet
2. no pulling hair (I have trichotillomania if you didn't already know - that's a whole other series of blogs within itself)
3. no bad food (i.e. chocolate candy, chocolate chip cookies, or fast food like fries and McDonald's hamburgers)
So far the only one I've been able to completely keep is #3. So I'm overall happy with the way this has been going because I thought that would have been the hardest to keep. To me, the fact that I haven't had any candy bars in 2.5 weeks, and I haven't had any chocolate chip cookies in 2.5 weeks is really a miracle. I think it helped that the night before I started to fast, I was really sick, nauseous and couldn't eat anything. All this after eating M&Ms and two peanut butter cups. God was talking to me loud and clear - no more candy for you! I'm dedicated to keep this fast going until at least Easter. I will not use Sunday as an excuse to break the chocolate fast. I did have two pieces of chocolate cake and chocolate pudding and a cup of hot cocoa over the past few weeks. But my fast wasn't just any chocolate, it was specific to candy and cookies so in that regard it's been a success.
In regard to the internet fast, the first week was fine. I didn't go on at all. But then I started sneaking a look at yahoo, and twitter. A few more days past and I started sneaking a look at facebook. I was still limiting my actual online time to about 5 minutes a day, so that wasn't bad. And I still didn't post anything. But in the past week I've been checking my i-phone at work again. I've sent out a handful of emails. And today I put two posts on Facebook. So in the past few days I've been online for about 10-15 minutes a day. Again, still less than it was prior to the start of Lent, but more than I want it to be.
I've fallen a little bit, but I'm going to pick myself up again tomorrow and re-begin my internet fast. I realized I can't hide from phone texts and I will continue to use those.
Has my internet fast helped me in communicating with others on a more personal level? I have found it hasn't made that much of a difference because on a normal weekly basis there really aren't that many people I try to get in contact with to make plans anyway.
I spoke to a few of my siblings on the phone, and my mom, and maybe two friends over the course of the 2.5 weeks. But I realized that most of my communicating with people is over facebook statuses. And those are things that I would not just pick up the phone to call people with. Facebook provides me (and others) with a platform to communicate with a large amount of people that I care about and keep them updated on my life, as does this blog. Honestly, if I didn't have facebook, my siblings would probably find out about my life from my mom (because I do try to call her every week or two) and my friends would find out when we hang out every month or so what's going on in my life. Now people pretty much know what's going on as it happens. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Personally, I think if the people on your facebook page are people you really care about, there's nothing wrong with them finding out things about you in that way, as long as it doesn't take away from your intimate in-person relationship. People still need to hang out face-to-face to get something meaningful out of a relationship. I do wish I talked to my siblings weekly, and that is something I want to work on establishing. I have a handful of friends that I want to continue to cultivate closer relationships with and I will make sure I contact them in any way I can to make sure that happens. I'm an introvert so I don't need a lot of acquaintances. Give me 2-3 really awesome friends and I'm content :)
In terms of my relationship with God over the past few weeks, I think it's doing better. I'm putting myself out there by attending young adult groups. I'm going to my first one at church today, and on Friday I attended a non-denominational group in Syracuse. I've been reading the book of Matthew (on my I-phone at times too!) and thinking about about what God wants me to do in ministry. Is he calling me to help others in my age group become connected or re-connected to God, or is he calling me to actually lead other Christians in a small group or some other way? I don't know yet. But I'm trying to listen to what the holy spirit has to say.
I'm still unsatisfied with my prayer life and I think that needs to be the next area I should focus on. After today, I will refocus my thoughts on God and try to seek out his wisdom in what I should do next. How can God use me to glorify His name here on earth? How can I truly love other people and carry forth the message of Jesus's love for them? I really need to speak to God to hear His voice, and not just listen to sermons and Christian music. I need to have a conversation with God Himself... That's always been the hardest thing for me.
I did have a small revelation the other day. A friend was having a bad time with something of which I have had previous experience also dealing with, and I realized maybe God allowed me to have that burden in life so I could help my friend with the same burden. It doesn't mean I'll always have the burden, but at this point in my life it's important for me to be able to empathize with this individual to be her support. Once I realized that I was so grateful to God for His faithfulness, and His belief that I could be an encourager to my friend and love her the way Jesus calls me to. God DOES make all things work out for good.
One other area I'm struggling with lately is how do I fit in. I have so many different types of friends, and acquaintances and family members with different worldviews, yet I don't feel I fit in with any of them completely because there will always be something I think that they will completely disagree with. But I need to realize that's ok, I can't be labeled, and hopefully we can have reasonable discussions about our disagreements and people won't judge me on my differences and just accept me for who I am. I can't change who I am or what I believe for the fear someone will reject me. But I can choose my words carefully, so as not to make anyone think I'm condeming them for their own beliefs. A big sigh on this subject. I love talking to people who have different opinions, let's call it dialogue, but sometimes I'm just afraid if I insert my own, I'm alienating myself. Ok, another blog for another day.
Peace, Love, God Bless,
Debi
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Update on FB fast
So I lasted almost a whole week without Facebook. Saturday at noon to Thursday. It really wasn't that difficult. I just had to change my routine. Can I do it for 40 days? I think it can be done. And if I slip up I slip up, but just gotta get back on the wagon. Maybe I can just do a week at a time, and then reward myself once a week. We'll see... In the past two weeks I talked to all my siblings once so that was nice. Now I just have to keep up with it so I don't feel I need to be on facebook.
You know what's really crazy, and what will keep me from feeling I need to be online all the time, the amount of tv I watch. I watch 10 hours of tv a week (including commericals) and there are two hours of tv that are on hiatus until after the Olympics. I'm not ashamed. We like some really well-written, entertaining, character driven shows. So screw you TV-phobes. I'd rather be laughing at a good show or obsessing over Lost than aimlessly navigating the internet for something that I don't even know is there for hours each night.
I have issues. I'm either running around non-stop, or vegetating in front of the tv all night.
Ok, no more. Gotta keep these short. Good night blogger land.
You know what's really crazy, and what will keep me from feeling I need to be online all the time, the amount of tv I watch. I watch 10 hours of tv a week (including commericals) and there are two hours of tv that are on hiatus until after the Olympics. I'm not ashamed. We like some really well-written, entertaining, character driven shows. So screw you TV-phobes. I'd rather be laughing at a good show or obsessing over Lost than aimlessly navigating the internet for something that I don't even know is there for hours each night.
I have issues. I'm either running around non-stop, or vegetating in front of the tv all night.
Ok, no more. Gotta keep these short. Good night blogger land.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Me and the Internet
Yesterday I decided to give up Facebook for a week. I'm almost 32 hours into my "fast" and so far so good. I realized, however, every time I go on the web I have a certain routine. I check yahoo mail, I check yahoo news, I check facebook, I check twitter, and a few random websites. My bank account, relevantmagazine.com, etc. So I have to consciously tell myself not to type in facebook.com.
Because I have an I-Phone, I can still get alerts from facebook saying people send me messages. So far in 32 hours I got one alert from my sister. After that she texted me a few times, and nothing else. So in this 24 hours I have not read my friends updates or posted my own. I'm out of the social loop and that's ok. I'm surviving. I have since turned off my alerts.
Fifteen years ago (half my life ago) when I was 15, my family got AOL. In December of 1994, I didn't have it and that was ok, but in January 1995 suddenly I could talk to complete strangers on the computer about anything and everything and it was intoxicating. Anything I wanted to learn about I could search. I could see photos and articles on Pearl Jam and other interests I had. It changed my life forever. In fact, that's how I met my husband, and for that I'm forever grateful.
I am part of Generation X (if you want to label me), which are those of us born between approximately 1965 and 1980, and I actually remember a time before the internet. What did I do for fun before the internet? Of course I watched a ton of tv (old sitcoms, soap operas, primetime TV, tv movies of the week before Lifetime network, MTV when there were still music videos), I went on our ancient computer and created outlines of houses in Paint. I drew pictures of characters and wrote short stories and poems. I wrote in my journal. I made home movies with my siblings. I play Nintendo (Tetris and Super Mario Bros). I hung out with my friends and had picnics, sleep overs, wrote songs, played games, rode bikes, watched movies, went to the movies, took walks around the neighborhood, went to afterschool programs and dances, watched my brothers baseball games, played card games (Spit!!), pulled all nighters and made forts. Made my own "books" out of magazine photos of my favorite actors. Read comics (like Archie - not superheros). Read books like Little House on the Prairie, Little Women, Babysitters Club, and later on deeper things like Even Cowgirls get the Blues and What's Eating Gilbert Grape. I remember listening to actual vinyl albums of old 60's songs my parents had, and 80s stuff like "We are the World," and knowing tons of Beatles songs thanks to my brothers before I even bought one of their records. I used to listen to Casey Casem's Top 40 every Sunday morning when I woke up. I bought my first tape (Motown Philly by Boyz II Men) and my 2nd tape was Blood Sugar Sex Magik by Red Hot Chili Peppers which was a gift when I was 12.
Kids existed before the internet. They survived without it, and even had some fun. Looking back I may have been a whiny, sensistive kid, but I was still able to keep myself busy without a computer until I was 15.
After we got AOL, well, let's just say I don't think I've gone more than two days since without being on the computer. And at this point in my life, it would be impossible. It's an intergral part of my daily work life and home life. What do I use it for?
- Balancing my checkbook
- Paying my bills
- Keeping in touch with my family, friends, and social groups (church, etc.) through yahoo mail, facebook and twitter and planning events
- Posting my opinions through updates and blogs and emails
- Looking up recipes, movie times, phone numbers, addresses
- Looking up answers to any random question that comes up (Whose that actor in this movie we're watching, I think I saw him in - movie name -)
- Keeping up with my interests like Pearl Jam, concerts, etc.
- Watching tv shows on Hulu and Abc.com, including Lost podcasts
- Listening to podcasts from churches, including my own
- Watching new movie trailers
- Checking IMDB for movie news
- Buy gifts and items on amazon
- Buy plane tickets
- Reading NYtimes and yahoo news for updates on what's going on in the world
- Looking up symptoms when I have a medical issue
- Forwarding interesting articles to family and friends
- Checking message boards for Lost and other random websites
- etc etc etc.
I just watched a PBS documentary (on Netflix through Instant Watch which is connected through our internet through our Playstation) on the Internet generation, kids who are teenagers right now and have never NOT had the internet. They have their online profiles, and are always connected through facebook, myspace and their cell phones. They create new personas for themselves and have secret online lives their parents don't even know about. Their attention span is shortened as they multi-task more and more and accept less information. These kids talked about how they can't even read whole books anymore. They just want quick summaries of information and then move on to the next thing. Although I'm not in this generation, when I was a teen, I was actually only one of a few of my friends who I knew went online every day (we had chat rooms and IM, no social networking yet...), so I still feel like my life is defined by my relationship to my computer, but even more specifically the internet.
Something clicked in me tonight as I suffer "facebook withdrawal" and watched these teenagers literally wasting their time on the computer for hours a night without experiencing the outside world in person... I miss being disconnected (I know that sounds weird). I miss books and walks and talking to people on the phone. Rich and I used to stay up for hours talking on the phone when we were dating long distance. It was always better and more real than when we chatted online.
I especially miss writing... with pen or pencil... on a piece of paper. I used to write in my journal every day for 10 years... then I got married and all my thoughts went into emails, facebook statuses, and now blog entries. Whatever happened to true journaling, crossing out thoughts, doodling, contemplative meditative writing?
I want to give up the Internet for Lent... Rich thinks I'm crazy...
Now I know what you're thinking... you think I'm crazy too. But it won't be for naught. It will be a lesson in discipline. Can I do it? Can I give up something I've done every day for the last 15 years? It will be a lesson in organization. How will I pay my bills which are all online now? It will also be a lesson in how to re-relate to people. I'll have to call my friends to set up plans... I have one friend I talk to on the phone once in a while and even she and I use facebook to make plans. Can I proactively pick up the phone to keep in contact with family and friends when I haven't been doing it for years, outside of calling my mom and sister once every few weeks? It will also be an opportunity to become closer to God. Part of fasting anything (whether it's food, sex or the internet) is to use that time you would normally be using for the the thing you're fasting to help you meditate on God, and prayer and scripture.
I need to be realistic in my fasting. I cannot fast from the internet at work. I use a computer and email every day and it's a necessity. So between February 17th and April 3rd I will only allow myself to use the internet when I'm at work. I will only use it for work related things (no checking yahoo mail at work - that's cheating, and no personal emails from my work email).
I will turn the email and facebook off on my I-Phone. I will allow texts to come through, but I will not text people back. I will only call people back.
I have two options for bills since we're all paperless now: Set up automatic payments for the 40 days or allow myself online ONLY to pay my bills. Although we're never late on our bills, I check my bank account almost every day and use my computer to balance it. So if I set up all automatic payments, we'll have to be super disciplined in not overspending (which we usually do on food). However, we are getting our tax refund soon, so it could serve as cushion money, you know, just in case...
And when I think about all this in perspective... people survived without the internet for thousands of years... and Jesus survived 40 days in the wilderness... I can spend 40 days off the computer while I'm not at work.
During those 40 days I hope to pray more, read the Bible every day, ask God for strength and self-control. I also plan on journaling my experience, my feelings, my frustrations (which I know I will have), and my insights. I will then return to this blog after Easter and post it here.
I'm scared... in fact, I'm terrifed... that I will not succeed, and that this will all be looked at as a joke. But I'm completely serious. I really hope I will have the support of my family and friends. I hope you will call me instead of emailing me. I hope we can become closer through this.
Some days I'm just so tired of being addicted to the computer. I'm on it all day at work, then I come home and I'm on it. I'm on it while I watch tv, and I'm on it before I go to bed. What am I missing out on by being so connected while being so disconnected? I have 150 books on my shelves that I have yet to read as I surf the web for nothing in particular instead. I have family members I have not spoken to in months as I go on Facebook and reload to see someone's new status from the last 5 minutes. I watch stupid You Tube videos, but can't open my Bible except on the Sundays I make it to church, and every other week at Bible Study. The lack of the internet is nothing compared to things of true sustenance that people lack every day. A billion people go hungry every day. Lack of clean water kills 2 million children a year. My priorities don't make sense.
I'm not doing this to be noticed or be seen as great. I hope over the 40 days of Lent to make God my first priority, just as Jesus did his 40 days in the desert (Matthew 4:1-11), and grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Then I hope to reconnect with my husband, my family and friends. My hope is that God uses me the way He chooses and all my actions be used to glorify His name, and I can commune with God, thanking him for his bountiful blessings in my life and ask him for continued guidance and wisdom.
"As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength." - Psalm 138:3
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13
"I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:12
Peace, Love, God Bless,
Debi
Because I have an I-Phone, I can still get alerts from facebook saying people send me messages. So far in 32 hours I got one alert from my sister. After that she texted me a few times, and nothing else. So in this 24 hours I have not read my friends updates or posted my own. I'm out of the social loop and that's ok. I'm surviving. I have since turned off my alerts.
Fifteen years ago (half my life ago) when I was 15, my family got AOL. In December of 1994, I didn't have it and that was ok, but in January 1995 suddenly I could talk to complete strangers on the computer about anything and everything and it was intoxicating. Anything I wanted to learn about I could search. I could see photos and articles on Pearl Jam and other interests I had. It changed my life forever. In fact, that's how I met my husband, and for that I'm forever grateful.
I am part of Generation X (if you want to label me), which are those of us born between approximately 1965 and 1980, and I actually remember a time before the internet. What did I do for fun before the internet? Of course I watched a ton of tv (old sitcoms, soap operas, primetime TV, tv movies of the week before Lifetime network, MTV when there were still music videos), I went on our ancient computer and created outlines of houses in Paint. I drew pictures of characters and wrote short stories and poems. I wrote in my journal. I made home movies with my siblings. I play Nintendo (Tetris and Super Mario Bros). I hung out with my friends and had picnics, sleep overs, wrote songs, played games, rode bikes, watched movies, went to the movies, took walks around the neighborhood, went to afterschool programs and dances, watched my brothers baseball games, played card games (Spit!!), pulled all nighters and made forts. Made my own "books" out of magazine photos of my favorite actors. Read comics (like Archie - not superheros). Read books like Little House on the Prairie, Little Women, Babysitters Club, and later on deeper things like Even Cowgirls get the Blues and What's Eating Gilbert Grape. I remember listening to actual vinyl albums of old 60's songs my parents had, and 80s stuff like "We are the World," and knowing tons of Beatles songs thanks to my brothers before I even bought one of their records. I used to listen to Casey Casem's Top 40 every Sunday morning when I woke up. I bought my first tape (Motown Philly by Boyz II Men) and my 2nd tape was Blood Sugar Sex Magik by Red Hot Chili Peppers which was a gift when I was 12.
Kids existed before the internet. They survived without it, and even had some fun. Looking back I may have been a whiny, sensistive kid, but I was still able to keep myself busy without a computer until I was 15.
After we got AOL, well, let's just say I don't think I've gone more than two days since without being on the computer. And at this point in my life, it would be impossible. It's an intergral part of my daily work life and home life. What do I use it for?
- Balancing my checkbook
- Paying my bills
- Keeping in touch with my family, friends, and social groups (church, etc.) through yahoo mail, facebook and twitter and planning events
- Posting my opinions through updates and blogs and emails
- Looking up recipes, movie times, phone numbers, addresses
- Looking up answers to any random question that comes up (Whose that actor in this movie we're watching, I think I saw him in - movie name -)
- Keeping up with my interests like Pearl Jam, concerts, etc.
- Watching tv shows on Hulu and Abc.com, including Lost podcasts
- Listening to podcasts from churches, including my own
- Watching new movie trailers
- Checking IMDB for movie news
- Buy gifts and items on amazon
- Buy plane tickets
- Reading NYtimes and yahoo news for updates on what's going on in the world
- Looking up symptoms when I have a medical issue
- Forwarding interesting articles to family and friends
- Checking message boards for Lost and other random websites
- etc etc etc.
I just watched a PBS documentary (on Netflix through Instant Watch which is connected through our internet through our Playstation) on the Internet generation, kids who are teenagers right now and have never NOT had the internet. They have their online profiles, and are always connected through facebook, myspace and their cell phones. They create new personas for themselves and have secret online lives their parents don't even know about. Their attention span is shortened as they multi-task more and more and accept less information. These kids talked about how they can't even read whole books anymore. They just want quick summaries of information and then move on to the next thing. Although I'm not in this generation, when I was a teen, I was actually only one of a few of my friends who I knew went online every day (we had chat rooms and IM, no social networking yet...), so I still feel like my life is defined by my relationship to my computer, but even more specifically the internet.
Something clicked in me tonight as I suffer "facebook withdrawal" and watched these teenagers literally wasting their time on the computer for hours a night without experiencing the outside world in person... I miss being disconnected (I know that sounds weird). I miss books and walks and talking to people on the phone. Rich and I used to stay up for hours talking on the phone when we were dating long distance. It was always better and more real than when we chatted online.
I especially miss writing... with pen or pencil... on a piece of paper. I used to write in my journal every day for 10 years... then I got married and all my thoughts went into emails, facebook statuses, and now blog entries. Whatever happened to true journaling, crossing out thoughts, doodling, contemplative meditative writing?
I want to give up the Internet for Lent... Rich thinks I'm crazy...
Now I know what you're thinking... you think I'm crazy too. But it won't be for naught. It will be a lesson in discipline. Can I do it? Can I give up something I've done every day for the last 15 years? It will be a lesson in organization. How will I pay my bills which are all online now? It will also be a lesson in how to re-relate to people. I'll have to call my friends to set up plans... I have one friend I talk to on the phone once in a while and even she and I use facebook to make plans. Can I proactively pick up the phone to keep in contact with family and friends when I haven't been doing it for years, outside of calling my mom and sister once every few weeks? It will also be an opportunity to become closer to God. Part of fasting anything (whether it's food, sex or the internet) is to use that time you would normally be using for the the thing you're fasting to help you meditate on God, and prayer and scripture.
I need to be realistic in my fasting. I cannot fast from the internet at work. I use a computer and email every day and it's a necessity. So between February 17th and April 3rd I will only allow myself to use the internet when I'm at work. I will only use it for work related things (no checking yahoo mail at work - that's cheating, and no personal emails from my work email).
I will turn the email and facebook off on my I-Phone. I will allow texts to come through, but I will not text people back. I will only call people back.
I have two options for bills since we're all paperless now: Set up automatic payments for the 40 days or allow myself online ONLY to pay my bills. Although we're never late on our bills, I check my bank account almost every day and use my computer to balance it. So if I set up all automatic payments, we'll have to be super disciplined in not overspending (which we usually do on food). However, we are getting our tax refund soon, so it could serve as cushion money, you know, just in case...
And when I think about all this in perspective... people survived without the internet for thousands of years... and Jesus survived 40 days in the wilderness... I can spend 40 days off the computer while I'm not at work.
During those 40 days I hope to pray more, read the Bible every day, ask God for strength and self-control. I also plan on journaling my experience, my feelings, my frustrations (which I know I will have), and my insights. I will then return to this blog after Easter and post it here.
I'm scared... in fact, I'm terrifed... that I will not succeed, and that this will all be looked at as a joke. But I'm completely serious. I really hope I will have the support of my family and friends. I hope you will call me instead of emailing me. I hope we can become closer through this.
Some days I'm just so tired of being addicted to the computer. I'm on it all day at work, then I come home and I'm on it. I'm on it while I watch tv, and I'm on it before I go to bed. What am I missing out on by being so connected while being so disconnected? I have 150 books on my shelves that I have yet to read as I surf the web for nothing in particular instead. I have family members I have not spoken to in months as I go on Facebook and reload to see someone's new status from the last 5 minutes. I watch stupid You Tube videos, but can't open my Bible except on the Sundays I make it to church, and every other week at Bible Study. The lack of the internet is nothing compared to things of true sustenance that people lack every day. A billion people go hungry every day. Lack of clean water kills 2 million children a year. My priorities don't make sense.
I'm not doing this to be noticed or be seen as great. I hope over the 40 days of Lent to make God my first priority, just as Jesus did his 40 days in the desert (Matthew 4:1-11), and grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Then I hope to reconnect with my husband, my family and friends. My hope is that God uses me the way He chooses and all my actions be used to glorify His name, and I can commune with God, thanking him for his bountiful blessings in my life and ask him for continued guidance and wisdom.
"As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength." - Psalm 138:3
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13
"I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:12
Peace, Love, God Bless,
Debi
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Loving your co-workers
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is famous, and usually associated with weddings. But when God commands us to love others the way we want to be loved, that means everyone. Including co-workers. I know most of us don't really think of "loving" our co-workers. Usually we are lucky if we can tolerate some of our co-workers. Anytime you have a lot of people working closely together in a small area, there will be conflicts of ideas, personalities and agendas.
So I'm going to look at how Paul defined love as inspired by the Holy Spirit in this famous scripture and how we can use this to love our co-workers, and create a more peaceful and productive work environment.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Let's break this down, description by description, in regards to co-workers (and you can apply it to bosses and people you manage as well):
Patient - Be patient with your co-worker who may have a different work style from you, and may not have a fast turnaround on projects. Everyone has a different learning style as well. Introverts may want to work more independently than extroverts.
Kind - Always talk to your co-workers with a kind tone, respectful and so they know you are not against them. A smile every morning, a "have a great day," "what a beautiful shirt," and a "how was your weekend?" can have a big affect on someone having a crappy day.
Do not envy - Allow all individuals in your work place to shine in their own individual ways. If one person is given public appreciation by bosses, be happy for them. Work should not be a competition, but a team effort where each person is used for their strengths, and no one is put on the spot because of their weaknesses.
Do not boast - Pride is a sin. Be humble. It's nice to be recognized, but do not go overboard in bringing attention to your successes over others.
Not proud - See above.
Not rude - i.e. BE KIND. Each person has a right to respect and dignity in the workplace. Remember your co-workers are someone's mother and father, someone's son and daughter. How would you want your parents or your children being treated in the workplace? Think and listen to your tone before you speak.
Not self-seeking - Again, work can only be successful if people work as a team. Help others out, and not for your own glory, but because you care about seeing others succeed.
Not easily angered - If things go wrong, someone forgets something, a big deal doesn't go through, remember it's not the end of the world. Tomorrow is another day, with new decisions and choices and chances. And in the end, this is just a temporary resting place. In eternity with God, these things won't even matter. So relax, go with the flow, learn good conflict management skills. Negativity breeds negativity and positivity breeds positivity. If you want to work in a positive environment watch your anger.
Keep no record of wrongs - Don't hold a grudge. It will seep into everything you do, keep your mind on the things that aren't important, and severely affect all the relationships you have at work. You will be known as the person that won't let things go. Why not be the person who forgives? The person who lives and learns. The person people go to when they have an issue, not the person people walk on eggshells around because they're afraid to upset you. If people are too afraid to talk to you, that can severely impact work relationships, cause gossip, and decrease efficiency.
Do not delight in evil - Do not manipulate others for your own pleasure or gain. As a worker, you are part of a team, a family, and should be a supportive member wanting only the best for everyone involved.
Rejoice with the truth - Do not lie to get ahead. Instead maintain your moral integrity in your workplace. The idea of tattle tales is not looked at positively, but if someone is hurting someone, harassing someone, or taking advantage of the company, you should be the one to bring it to the attention of an appropriate individual. And not for your own satisfaction and gain, but because you care about the integrity of the organization you work for and the morale of the people on your team.
Always protect - Come to the defense of others when needed. Is someone you know being harassed? Is your co-worker being jumped on because of THEIR success. Is someone telling racist or sexist jokes? Be a good friend, and let people know you will have their back. Defend those you care about and let people know that that sort of behavior is not professional (but in a tactful, respectful way). Diversity training is always a good start.
Always trust - Don't assume people are bad, out to destroy you, or out to get you fired. If everyone decides to trust first, then working as a team will come much more easily. All good teams must have trust before they can be successful. I know people say "trust must be earned." But if you truly love those you work with, you will trust first until someone gives you a reason not to.
Always hope - Even when things aren't going the way you expect, know God is in control and he has a plan that is right and good. We can't control everything but we have hope in Jesus Christ. God turns all things into good, even if you can't see where the good can come from when you're in the midst of the struggle.
Always persevere - Even if morale is low, your co-workers complain constantly, and are even manipulative, cynical or destructive, do not stop loving them. Walk in every morning with a smile on your face, bring in donuts or bagels, write little encouraging notes once in a while. Let them know YOU care about them, their job, and their position in the organization, and them as a friend. This will help make them more confident, and give them more motivation to succeed if they know their work affects others who care about the.
A little bit of love in the workplace can go a long way. Love is not just for spouses and children, it's for every single person you come into contact with on a daily basis. Jesus said the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. In some cases we spend more time with our co-workers than our family. In fact, some studies show that your relationship with your boss affects your level of overall happiness in life more than your relationship with your spouse. So let's start loving everyone we come into contact with, including our bosses, our co-workers, and those we manage. It's not hard when you have Jesus as your role model. How did he deal with his "co-workers" (i.e. apostles)? He SERVED them. He showed humility by washing his discples feet. He encouraged them even when they had no faith. He even allowed them to deny him but did not hold it against them. In fact, Peter, who denied Jesus three times, went on to be one of the most influential apostles in church history.
Next time you go to work, remember you are serving those you work with. God put you in that place of work, in that position, not to be the #1 sales person or the smartest engineer, he put you there so you could have a positive impact on the people you come into contact with every day. Use the opportunities he provides you to do his will here on earth. It's a challenge every day, believe me I know, but remember with God, all things are possible.
God bless.
So I'm going to look at how Paul defined love as inspired by the Holy Spirit in this famous scripture and how we can use this to love our co-workers, and create a more peaceful and productive work environment.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Let's break this down, description by description, in regards to co-workers (and you can apply it to bosses and people you manage as well):
Patient - Be patient with your co-worker who may have a different work style from you, and may not have a fast turnaround on projects. Everyone has a different learning style as well. Introverts may want to work more independently than extroverts.
Kind - Always talk to your co-workers with a kind tone, respectful and so they know you are not against them. A smile every morning, a "have a great day," "what a beautiful shirt," and a "how was your weekend?" can have a big affect on someone having a crappy day.
Do not envy - Allow all individuals in your work place to shine in their own individual ways. If one person is given public appreciation by bosses, be happy for them. Work should not be a competition, but a team effort where each person is used for their strengths, and no one is put on the spot because of their weaknesses.
Do not boast - Pride is a sin. Be humble. It's nice to be recognized, but do not go overboard in bringing attention to your successes over others.
Not proud - See above.
Not rude - i.e. BE KIND. Each person has a right to respect and dignity in the workplace. Remember your co-workers are someone's mother and father, someone's son and daughter. How would you want your parents or your children being treated in the workplace? Think and listen to your tone before you speak.
Not self-seeking - Again, work can only be successful if people work as a team. Help others out, and not for your own glory, but because you care about seeing others succeed.
Not easily angered - If things go wrong, someone forgets something, a big deal doesn't go through, remember it's not the end of the world. Tomorrow is another day, with new decisions and choices and chances. And in the end, this is just a temporary resting place. In eternity with God, these things won't even matter. So relax, go with the flow, learn good conflict management skills. Negativity breeds negativity and positivity breeds positivity. If you want to work in a positive environment watch your anger.
Keep no record of wrongs - Don't hold a grudge. It will seep into everything you do, keep your mind on the things that aren't important, and severely affect all the relationships you have at work. You will be known as the person that won't let things go. Why not be the person who forgives? The person who lives and learns. The person people go to when they have an issue, not the person people walk on eggshells around because they're afraid to upset you. If people are too afraid to talk to you, that can severely impact work relationships, cause gossip, and decrease efficiency.
Do not delight in evil - Do not manipulate others for your own pleasure or gain. As a worker, you are part of a team, a family, and should be a supportive member wanting only the best for everyone involved.
Rejoice with the truth - Do not lie to get ahead. Instead maintain your moral integrity in your workplace. The idea of tattle tales is not looked at positively, but if someone is hurting someone, harassing someone, or taking advantage of the company, you should be the one to bring it to the attention of an appropriate individual. And not for your own satisfaction and gain, but because you care about the integrity of the organization you work for and the morale of the people on your team.
Always protect - Come to the defense of others when needed. Is someone you know being harassed? Is your co-worker being jumped on because of THEIR success. Is someone telling racist or sexist jokes? Be a good friend, and let people know you will have their back. Defend those you care about and let people know that that sort of behavior is not professional (but in a tactful, respectful way). Diversity training is always a good start.
Always trust - Don't assume people are bad, out to destroy you, or out to get you fired. If everyone decides to trust first, then working as a team will come much more easily. All good teams must have trust before they can be successful. I know people say "trust must be earned." But if you truly love those you work with, you will trust first until someone gives you a reason not to.
Always hope - Even when things aren't going the way you expect, know God is in control and he has a plan that is right and good. We can't control everything but we have hope in Jesus Christ. God turns all things into good, even if you can't see where the good can come from when you're in the midst of the struggle.
Always persevere - Even if morale is low, your co-workers complain constantly, and are even manipulative, cynical or destructive, do not stop loving them. Walk in every morning with a smile on your face, bring in donuts or bagels, write little encouraging notes once in a while. Let them know YOU care about them, their job, and their position in the organization, and them as a friend. This will help make them more confident, and give them more motivation to succeed if they know their work affects others who care about the.
A little bit of love in the workplace can go a long way. Love is not just for spouses and children, it's for every single person you come into contact with on a daily basis. Jesus said the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. In some cases we spend more time with our co-workers than our family. In fact, some studies show that your relationship with your boss affects your level of overall happiness in life more than your relationship with your spouse. So let's start loving everyone we come into contact with, including our bosses, our co-workers, and those we manage. It's not hard when you have Jesus as your role model. How did he deal with his "co-workers" (i.e. apostles)? He SERVED them. He showed humility by washing his discples feet. He encouraged them even when they had no faith. He even allowed them to deny him but did not hold it against them. In fact, Peter, who denied Jesus three times, went on to be one of the most influential apostles in church history.
Next time you go to work, remember you are serving those you work with. God put you in that place of work, in that position, not to be the #1 sales person or the smartest engineer, he put you there so you could have a positive impact on the people you come into contact with every day. Use the opportunities he provides you to do his will here on earth. It's a challenge every day, believe me I know, but remember with God, all things are possible.
God bless.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Church
Today Richard and I skipped out on church. I feel a little bit guilty, not because not attending church is a sin, but because of what I'm missing out on by not being there.
Growing up as a lax catholic (raised to go to church on hoidays and go to religion class, but never told what we're actually supposed to believe and why), church always seemed to be a chore to me.
At 12 years old I sat in the pew, stared at the lights, and made bargains with God ("if you let "Mike" like me, I will promise I won't be mean to my sister"), while not really listening to the priest or understanding why I was there. I especially did not know why church even really existed.
I went 7 years where I didn't believe in God at all and only attended church for family weddings.
I gave my life to Christ at 22, just after getting married. I knew I wanted to find the right church, the perfect church (little did I know that idea didn't exist). To me church was still a building where you went on Sundays to sing a few songs, and listen to a pastor for an hour and that was it. I was ignorant to what the true definition of "The Church" was according to the Bible.
Before I explore God's design for His Church, I'll explain my experience with attending church up until today and then look at how I see church now (and why I feel guilty, even though I shouldn't).
When I became a Christian, I realized that salvation came through faith in Jesus alone, so I figured I should probably attend a Protestant church to learn more about God. I did some research on denominations and was a little hung up on things like Contemporary Worship (use of guitars, drums, keyboards) and somewhat liberal theology. I had stereotypes about certain denominations and at first only tried out "mainline" denominations. I tried Prebyterian, United Methodist, United Church of Christ, and Free Methodist. I stayed away from Lutheran and Episcopal because I thought the would just be "Catholic-Lite" and stayed away from Baptists because I thought it would be a bunch of right-wing conservatives, and stayed away from pentecostal churches because I thought speaking in tongues was nuts.
My first impressions of the Presbyterian, United Methodist and United Church of Christ were that they were still too traditional for my own tastes in terms of worship, and the majority of the congregation were older than 70, which made me feel like it would be a hard place to raise a child within the church if their were no kids their age (little did I know that 8 years later that argument would be moot due to our "issues".)
So we started attending a Free Methodist Church, with a contemporary worship style, a conversational/down-to-earth pastor (no suits, just polos and khakis) who focused on applying the truths of the bible to every day life, and a multi-generation congregation. The best part of the church was how the pastor made a point to say "for those of us who are Christian," recognizing that he may have seekers in his audience who didn't know much about God yet and still had unanswered questions. The pastor always made newcomers feel welcome. My first time there 6 people greeted me.
We eventually left that church because I felt a need for more in depth bible study and closer spiritual relationships. But looking back, I was not spiritually mature enough to know how much commitment I should have been putting in to get something out of the church.
We attended three more churches over the course of 4 years, including an "emergent" type church, another Free Methodist church, and a more charismatic non-denominational church. Through those years I learned what it was like to go to a church where you had friends, where people prayed together, where people felt safe to question God and admit doubts, where church was a real family, where worship was heartfelt, pure and overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. I believe I grew spiritually and am grateful for all I've learned and the people who have come and gone through my life through attending different churches.
At the same time, some of these churches displayed lack of organization, sermons that did not focus on the Word but more on people's life stories, sermons that focused too much on the Old Testament and less on the saving grace of Jesus, isolationism, and false prophecy in one way or another. They all worshipped slightly differently, taught slightly different messages, and had a different type of family feel to them. I could write whole books on my experiences at each.
We left our last church after being there for a year and a half, and getting baptized there. It was truly was the first time we felt part of a church family, so leaving was difficult and it was very hard to find a new church. Some people never find that "church family" they are looking for. I don't want to go too in depth, but we had strong theological differences with our "church family" and both Rich and I felt called by God to leave and seek out a new church.
I still wrestle with our decision to leave, because the truth is you will never attend a church where you agree with everything that everyone else believes, or everything that is preached. However, at the same time, Christians are called to discern what is truth in the eyes of the Lord. Rich and I agreed as a family God was calling us leave.
We searched for a year, and I even went to a few Baptist churches and was impressed with the style of preaching. But one day I decided to go back to Liverpool Community Church, the church I attended when I was a new christian, after we had first gotten married. I don't know what led me there that day. But I was glad I went. It reminded me that every time I went I felt like I was where God wanted me to be at that moment. At LCC, I always heard what God wanted me to hear that day. He always knows what on our minds, and works his way into our hearts through His word and His message.
I realized no church is perfect, but there are certain things that I know I need from a church: a loving pastor and lay leadership, welcoming to both christians and non-christians (not living in a church bubble), bible-based teaching, good mix of internal and external outreach. Basically, the great commission and the great commandment working together.
So what is Church? Finally, the point of my blog. Let's look at what God says about His Church:
1 Corinithians 12:27-31 reads "Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? But eagerly desire the greater gifts. And now I will show you the most excellent way."
Yes, the church is a building that brings together people with the same basic belief system to learn about and worship God together. But it's first and foremost the BODY OF CHRIST. It is the Bride of Jesus. Just as Adam and Eve became one flesh, Christians are the Body of Christ, His Bride. Together, Christians, followers of Christ, come together to worship and praise Jesus, to grow in their relationship with Jesus, and with one another, and become one body.
Romans 12:4-8 reads: "Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."
As a church body we are connected to each other, we belong to each other, and we are responsible for each other. We must support each other and the gifts we bring to the body, and be accountable to each other as we are accountable to God. An hour long service once a week will not suffice to accomplish this task. Churches should look like a family. Just like a family, we all have our roles, our gifts, and it takes effort and work to make the family run smoothly, yet there will always be issues that need to be addressed.
Some Non-Christians (and even Christians) are weirded out by people spending so much time at church outside of Sunday, but if you want to have a healthy church, it includes being relational with those in your church. Encouraging each other when you're down, being generous and helpful when others are in need, celebrating together after milestones and successes, and mourning together after tragedies.
Church is not just a building, but a body of believers, brought together by God for fellowship, for praise and worship, and love.
Colossians 3:12-17 reads: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
There are healthy churches and non-healthy churches. If you have been turned off by church in the past remember a few things:
1. No church is perfect. They are all led by imperfect people, however, you should be able to trust your pastor and that s/he is being led by the Holy Spirit to provide a message from God's Word. In fact, we left every church we've ever attended due to differences with either the style of the pastor's preaching or the actual sermons themselves. LCC is more life-application, but I can supplement that by joining a more in-depth Bible Study.
2. Church has to be about fellowship, so get to know other attenders by joining a bible study, attending pot luck dinners, or joining a ministry. Until you truly know the people who attend the church, you will not know the heart of the church.
3. Don't let things like the style of music (contemporary vs. traditional), or how people dress (casual vs. dressy) turn you off immediately. Give the church a chance. Listen to the message and meet some of the people. If they have love in their heart for the Lord and for each other and for people outside the church, you are on the right track. Music and dress is usually just dressing, it's not meat and bones.
4. Since a church is a family, there will always be some dysfunction, but it's the perfect opportunity for us to show how God changed our lives, by letting Him guide us through conflict-resolution and other issues that may arise anytime a large group of people get together and may have differences of opinion.
5. Consider becoming a member once you decide the church is right for you and your family. By becoming a member you are establishing a bond with the people that attend the church. You are committing yourself not only to Christ but to His Body. You will be provided with numerous opportunities to serve as Jesus calls us to serve, and love others the way God loves us.
I'll just finish by saying I'm thankful for God leading me back to Liverpool Community Church. Although I'm not a member yet and still getting to know people, I can see how this one church building with its members is just a small part of Christ's Church, the Body of Christ. So yeah, I felt guilty for not going today because I missed another opportunity to grow in fellowship with other believers and get to know my church body more. I missed another opportunity to hear what God wanted me to hear, and learn something about how to be a follower of Christ. It's so easy to become complacent. But I know God forgives me. I'm so thankful for His mercies!
There are many denominations that make up the Body of Christ. My hope is that one day they can put aside their differences completely and just work towards establishing the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. That's right! We don't have to wait until Jesus returns. If you're interested in what I mean, check out the book by Rick McKinley "This Beautiful Mess." He talks about how Jesus called his Body to start establishing the Kingdom of God here on earth. Everything that Jesus calls us to do as His children is part of that (Sermon on the Mount, etc.).
There's a lot more that I want to say but I should probably spend time with my husband now.
Good night and God Bless,
Love,
Debi
Growing up as a lax catholic (raised to go to church on hoidays and go to religion class, but never told what we're actually supposed to believe and why), church always seemed to be a chore to me.
At 12 years old I sat in the pew, stared at the lights, and made bargains with God ("if you let "Mike" like me, I will promise I won't be mean to my sister"), while not really listening to the priest or understanding why I was there. I especially did not know why church even really existed.
I went 7 years where I didn't believe in God at all and only attended church for family weddings.
I gave my life to Christ at 22, just after getting married. I knew I wanted to find the right church, the perfect church (little did I know that idea didn't exist). To me church was still a building where you went on Sundays to sing a few songs, and listen to a pastor for an hour and that was it. I was ignorant to what the true definition of "The Church" was according to the Bible.
Before I explore God's design for His Church, I'll explain my experience with attending church up until today and then look at how I see church now (and why I feel guilty, even though I shouldn't).
When I became a Christian, I realized that salvation came through faith in Jesus alone, so I figured I should probably attend a Protestant church to learn more about God. I did some research on denominations and was a little hung up on things like Contemporary Worship (use of guitars, drums, keyboards) and somewhat liberal theology. I had stereotypes about certain denominations and at first only tried out "mainline" denominations. I tried Prebyterian, United Methodist, United Church of Christ, and Free Methodist. I stayed away from Lutheran and Episcopal because I thought the would just be "Catholic-Lite" and stayed away from Baptists because I thought it would be a bunch of right-wing conservatives, and stayed away from pentecostal churches because I thought speaking in tongues was nuts.
My first impressions of the Presbyterian, United Methodist and United Church of Christ were that they were still too traditional for my own tastes in terms of worship, and the majority of the congregation were older than 70, which made me feel like it would be a hard place to raise a child within the church if their were no kids their age (little did I know that 8 years later that argument would be moot due to our "issues".)
So we started attending a Free Methodist Church, with a contemporary worship style, a conversational/down-to-earth pastor (no suits, just polos and khakis) who focused on applying the truths of the bible to every day life, and a multi-generation congregation. The best part of the church was how the pastor made a point to say "for those of us who are Christian," recognizing that he may have seekers in his audience who didn't know much about God yet and still had unanswered questions. The pastor always made newcomers feel welcome. My first time there 6 people greeted me.
We eventually left that church because I felt a need for more in depth bible study and closer spiritual relationships. But looking back, I was not spiritually mature enough to know how much commitment I should have been putting in to get something out of the church.
We attended three more churches over the course of 4 years, including an "emergent" type church, another Free Methodist church, and a more charismatic non-denominational church. Through those years I learned what it was like to go to a church where you had friends, where people prayed together, where people felt safe to question God and admit doubts, where church was a real family, where worship was heartfelt, pure and overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. I believe I grew spiritually and am grateful for all I've learned and the people who have come and gone through my life through attending different churches.
At the same time, some of these churches displayed lack of organization, sermons that did not focus on the Word but more on people's life stories, sermons that focused too much on the Old Testament and less on the saving grace of Jesus, isolationism, and false prophecy in one way or another. They all worshipped slightly differently, taught slightly different messages, and had a different type of family feel to them. I could write whole books on my experiences at each.
We left our last church after being there for a year and a half, and getting baptized there. It was truly was the first time we felt part of a church family, so leaving was difficult and it was very hard to find a new church. Some people never find that "church family" they are looking for. I don't want to go too in depth, but we had strong theological differences with our "church family" and both Rich and I felt called by God to leave and seek out a new church.
I still wrestle with our decision to leave, because the truth is you will never attend a church where you agree with everything that everyone else believes, or everything that is preached. However, at the same time, Christians are called to discern what is truth in the eyes of the Lord. Rich and I agreed as a family God was calling us leave.
We searched for a year, and I even went to a few Baptist churches and was impressed with the style of preaching. But one day I decided to go back to Liverpool Community Church, the church I attended when I was a new christian, after we had first gotten married. I don't know what led me there that day. But I was glad I went. It reminded me that every time I went I felt like I was where God wanted me to be at that moment. At LCC, I always heard what God wanted me to hear that day. He always knows what on our minds, and works his way into our hearts through His word and His message.
I realized no church is perfect, but there are certain things that I know I need from a church: a loving pastor and lay leadership, welcoming to both christians and non-christians (not living in a church bubble), bible-based teaching, good mix of internal and external outreach. Basically, the great commission and the great commandment working together.
So what is Church? Finally, the point of my blog. Let's look at what God says about His Church:
1 Corinithians 12:27-31 reads "Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? But eagerly desire the greater gifts. And now I will show you the most excellent way."
Yes, the church is a building that brings together people with the same basic belief system to learn about and worship God together. But it's first and foremost the BODY OF CHRIST. It is the Bride of Jesus. Just as Adam and Eve became one flesh, Christians are the Body of Christ, His Bride. Together, Christians, followers of Christ, come together to worship and praise Jesus, to grow in their relationship with Jesus, and with one another, and become one body.
Romans 12:4-8 reads: "Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."
As a church body we are connected to each other, we belong to each other, and we are responsible for each other. We must support each other and the gifts we bring to the body, and be accountable to each other as we are accountable to God. An hour long service once a week will not suffice to accomplish this task. Churches should look like a family. Just like a family, we all have our roles, our gifts, and it takes effort and work to make the family run smoothly, yet there will always be issues that need to be addressed.
Some Non-Christians (and even Christians) are weirded out by people spending so much time at church outside of Sunday, but if you want to have a healthy church, it includes being relational with those in your church. Encouraging each other when you're down, being generous and helpful when others are in need, celebrating together after milestones and successes, and mourning together after tragedies.
Church is not just a building, but a body of believers, brought together by God for fellowship, for praise and worship, and love.
Colossians 3:12-17 reads: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
There are healthy churches and non-healthy churches. If you have been turned off by church in the past remember a few things:
1. No church is perfect. They are all led by imperfect people, however, you should be able to trust your pastor and that s/he is being led by the Holy Spirit to provide a message from God's Word. In fact, we left every church we've ever attended due to differences with either the style of the pastor's preaching or the actual sermons themselves. LCC is more life-application, but I can supplement that by joining a more in-depth Bible Study.
2. Church has to be about fellowship, so get to know other attenders by joining a bible study, attending pot luck dinners, or joining a ministry. Until you truly know the people who attend the church, you will not know the heart of the church.
3. Don't let things like the style of music (contemporary vs. traditional), or how people dress (casual vs. dressy) turn you off immediately. Give the church a chance. Listen to the message and meet some of the people. If they have love in their heart for the Lord and for each other and for people outside the church, you are on the right track. Music and dress is usually just dressing, it's not meat and bones.
4. Since a church is a family, there will always be some dysfunction, but it's the perfect opportunity for us to show how God changed our lives, by letting Him guide us through conflict-resolution and other issues that may arise anytime a large group of people get together and may have differences of opinion.
5. Consider becoming a member once you decide the church is right for you and your family. By becoming a member you are establishing a bond with the people that attend the church. You are committing yourself not only to Christ but to His Body. You will be provided with numerous opportunities to serve as Jesus calls us to serve, and love others the way God loves us.
I'll just finish by saying I'm thankful for God leading me back to Liverpool Community Church. Although I'm not a member yet and still getting to know people, I can see how this one church building with its members is just a small part of Christ's Church, the Body of Christ. So yeah, I felt guilty for not going today because I missed another opportunity to grow in fellowship with other believers and get to know my church body more. I missed another opportunity to hear what God wanted me to hear, and learn something about how to be a follower of Christ. It's so easy to become complacent. But I know God forgives me. I'm so thankful for His mercies!
There are many denominations that make up the Body of Christ. My hope is that one day they can put aside their differences completely and just work towards establishing the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. That's right! We don't have to wait until Jesus returns. If you're interested in what I mean, check out the book by Rick McKinley "This Beautiful Mess." He talks about how Jesus called his Body to start establishing the Kingdom of God here on earth. Everything that Jesus calls us to do as His children is part of that (Sermon on the Mount, etc.).
There's a lot more that I want to say but I should probably spend time with my husband now.
Good night and God Bless,
Love,
Debi
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Fruits of the Spirit
Sorry it's been a few days. I promised you some kind of commentary on the Fruits of the Spirit, so here goes. It may be a little half-done because I've been dealing with stupid fatigue for a few days, but it doesn't hurt to try:
Galatians 5:19-26 (New Century Version) reads:
"The wrong things the sinful self does are clear: being sexually unfaithful, not being pure, taking part in sexual sins, worshiping gods, doing witchcraft, hating, making trouble, being jealous, being angry, being selfish, making people angry with each other, causing divisions among people, feeling envy, being drunk, having wild and wasteful parties, and doing other things like these. I warn you now as I warned you before: Those who do these things will not inherit God's kingdom.
But the Spirit produces the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. There is no law that says these things are wrong. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their own sinful selves. They have given up their old selfish feelings and the evil things they wanted to do. We get our new life from the Spirit, so we should follow the Spirit. We must not be proud or make trouble with each other or be jealous of each other."
I've engaged in most of the sins listed above at some point or another. Since I've become a Christian, I've engaged in much less, and God continues to move in me to display the fruits of the spirit. I'm not perfect, no Christian is perfect. But once you surrender yourself to God, you are reborn in the holy spirit. John 3:5 "Jesus answered, "Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit."
Works alone cannot save you, as Paul relates in Ephesians 2:8-10: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
However, once you have been saved through faith, and reborn of the Holy Spirit, your faith is manifested through your works, which are the fruits of the spirit. Paul explains in Romans 6:15-22 that before we were saved we were slaves to sin, but once we are saved we are slaves to righteousness. Our faith in Jesus Christ demands our complete surrender to him, and that will manifest itself through our works, through our actions. Once your heart changes, so does your actions. But anyone can ACT righteous without having a pure heart.
I try to love others with a pure heart because that's what Jesus calls me to do. And even when it's difficult, because I am a sinner, I call out to Him for strength, for I know I've been redeemed by His blood, and do not need to give in to the sin. How many people love others so they will get something back in return? By being reborn in the spirit, you now live your life for Jesus, call to Him for strength when you are weak, and praise him for his blessings continuously.
Remember our Pat Robertson discussion a few days back... well he said something stupid, very stupid. And although from the outside that may appear his heart has not changed through his faith in Jesus, I want to respond a few ways:
1. We cannot truly know what's inside a man's heart and if he's truly saved. Only God knows what's in someone's heart.
2. Christians will continue to make mistakes after becoming a Christian. We will never be perfect like our Father in Heaven.
3. We don't always bear all the fruits of the spirit. (Self-control is REALLY hard for me and I fail at it often, but I think I'm pretty faithful).
People should not judge all Christians based on Pat Robertson's untimely and insensitive remarks, just as they should not judge all Christians based on my bad hormonal days when I'm screaming at Rich and calling him names (neither Pat nor I are being very gentle!).
All humans are incapable of being perfect, so my hope is that we all stop judging each other for something we are all guilty for, and start loving each other, caring for each other, and forgiving each other when we fall. God knows I need it!
Galatians 5:19-26 (New Century Version) reads:
"The wrong things the sinful self does are clear: being sexually unfaithful, not being pure, taking part in sexual sins, worshiping gods, doing witchcraft, hating, making trouble, being jealous, being angry, being selfish, making people angry with each other, causing divisions among people, feeling envy, being drunk, having wild and wasteful parties, and doing other things like these. I warn you now as I warned you before: Those who do these things will not inherit God's kingdom.
But the Spirit produces the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. There is no law that says these things are wrong. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their own sinful selves. They have given up their old selfish feelings and the evil things they wanted to do. We get our new life from the Spirit, so we should follow the Spirit. We must not be proud or make trouble with each other or be jealous of each other."
I've engaged in most of the sins listed above at some point or another. Since I've become a Christian, I've engaged in much less, and God continues to move in me to display the fruits of the spirit. I'm not perfect, no Christian is perfect. But once you surrender yourself to God, you are reborn in the holy spirit. John 3:5 "Jesus answered, "Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit."
Works alone cannot save you, as Paul relates in Ephesians 2:8-10: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
However, once you have been saved through faith, and reborn of the Holy Spirit, your faith is manifested through your works, which are the fruits of the spirit. Paul explains in Romans 6:15-22 that before we were saved we were slaves to sin, but once we are saved we are slaves to righteousness. Our faith in Jesus Christ demands our complete surrender to him, and that will manifest itself through our works, through our actions. Once your heart changes, so does your actions. But anyone can ACT righteous without having a pure heart.
I try to love others with a pure heart because that's what Jesus calls me to do. And even when it's difficult, because I am a sinner, I call out to Him for strength, for I know I've been redeemed by His blood, and do not need to give in to the sin. How many people love others so they will get something back in return? By being reborn in the spirit, you now live your life for Jesus, call to Him for strength when you are weak, and praise him for his blessings continuously.
Remember our Pat Robertson discussion a few days back... well he said something stupid, very stupid. And although from the outside that may appear his heart has not changed through his faith in Jesus, I want to respond a few ways:
1. We cannot truly know what's inside a man's heart and if he's truly saved. Only God knows what's in someone's heart.
2. Christians will continue to make mistakes after becoming a Christian. We will never be perfect like our Father in Heaven.
3. We don't always bear all the fruits of the spirit. (Self-control is REALLY hard for me and I fail at it often, but I think I'm pretty faithful).
People should not judge all Christians based on Pat Robertson's untimely and insensitive remarks, just as they should not judge all Christians based on my bad hormonal days when I'm screaming at Rich and calling him names (neither Pat nor I are being very gentle!).
All humans are incapable of being perfect, so my hope is that we all stop judging each other for something we are all guilty for, and start loving each other, caring for each other, and forgiving each other when we fall. God knows I need it!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I digress
Things that make today a good Saturday:
yummy tuna
awesome indie/folk/country music by the Avett Brothers
40 degree weather in January (especially when it causes almost two feet of snow to melt away) hanging out with my husband without fighting
napping with two puppy dogs nestled next to me
watching funny Daily Show episodes
And...
We're seeing Avatar in 3D this afternoon.
yummy tuna
awesome indie/folk/country music by the Avett Brothers
40 degree weather in January (especially when it causes almost two feet of snow to melt away) hanging out with my husband without fighting
napping with two puppy dogs nestled next to me
watching funny Daily Show episodes
And...
We're seeing Avatar in 3D this afternoon.
Friday, January 15, 2010
That being said...
Now that I've covered forgiveness for our sins, you still have to repent and have faith in Jesus. Once you are born again in the Holy Spirit, you will be a new life in Jesus. Next blog I will look at scripture that addresses the types of changes that take place in a person's soul when they accept Jesus as their Lord and savior (i.e. the fruits of the spirit). And then I will look at what Jesus expects of us, as part of his church, according to scripture (some of which Pat Robertson seemed to forget from Sunday School).
Just because God forgives you, and he commands us to forgive others doesn't mean we should continue sinning against each other and against God. If you love God, you will want to live for God, by showing the love of Christ to others.
Just because God forgives you, and he commands us to forgive others doesn't mean we should continue sinning against each other and against God. If you love God, you will want to live for God, by showing the love of Christ to others.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
We are all Pat Robertson
As a Christian I feel a need to defend my faith when people like Pat Robertson say stupid things. But on the other hand, I feel Jesus compelling me to tell both Christians and non-Christians that we shouldn't be so judgmental re: Pat Robertson, because we are all like him, the only difference is we are judging people on different issues that we have decided to become self-righteous about.
We are ALL like Pat Robertson, judgmental, discriminatory, with hate in our hearts for one another (us for Pat Robertson for being a complete douche bag, and him for those who don't live up to his version of righteousness). We are always judging one another, believing we are the better ones, when in reality only God can truly judge us.
"For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; it is he who will save us." Isaiah 33:22
Believe it or not, I had a small tinge of happiness in my soul when I heard Rush Limbaugh may have had a heart attack (how horrible is that!). I have cursed out my husband. Wished harm on people I hardly know (bad drivers "just wait until you crash because you were following too closely, you deserved it!").
In reality, no one is 100% good. Evil lurkes inside all of us. Rich and I always discuss the fact that all humans are capable of murder. This fact is what has kept us separated from God for all of eternity.
I believe Jesus died so we all (that's every single imperfect human who ever walked the face of the earth) could have a chance of being in a relationship with God. No one can make it on their own merits, not Pat Robertson, not me, not even Mother Theresa. We've all judged others, lied, stealed, called people names, been greedy, or disobeyed God in some manner. It's impossible to be holy enough to enter heaven without a mediator, Jesus Christ, who paid the price for our sins. He took on our punishment, so we wouldn't have to.
Isaiah 53:4-6
"Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all."
The good thing is once you're in Heaven there is no hate, there is only love. There is no judgment from other humans, only peace with God. We will forget we ever had animosity towards one another. All we will know is God. God is love, he is the way, the truth and the life. To be in his presence in heaven will be in the presence of complete holiness and goodness.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" Revelation 21:4
I believe that to be the truth, whether or not Pat Robertson says stupid things. I say stupid things all the time that I'm sure God and other Christians may not agree with. I guess in the end the real question is what is his relationship with God like, what is in his heart. Only he and God can answer that one... It's so easy to say someone isn't a "real christian." But like I said before, am I a "real christian" when I'm cursing out my husband and not forgiving him for stupid stuff like leaving his jacket in the recyling bin (Don't ask!)?
I know I will continue to judge Pat Robertson and his big mouth, but I will try to bite my tongue, remembering I too am a sinner, with a knack of saying the wrong thing, and fall short of the glory of God. How many times have I said something to make myself feel better about myself, or something to make others feel negatively about someone else...
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29
I will pray to God to to forgive me when I say stupid things. And I will pray to God to help me forgive Pat Robertson and other Christians I believe are tarnishing the Kingdom of God. If we can't forgive others, how can we expect God to forgive us. I know I need forgiveness.
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35)
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
There's so much more I can say about this - but they'll be plenty of other opportunities to blog (about having a pure heart, the fruits of the spirit, loving the least among these, etc.)
Good night and God bless everyone, especially those in Haiti right now. Take shelter in God's loving arms. He is ready and willing to take on your burdens.
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." - Isaiah 68:19
We are ALL like Pat Robertson, judgmental, discriminatory, with hate in our hearts for one another (us for Pat Robertson for being a complete douche bag, and him for those who don't live up to his version of righteousness). We are always judging one another, believing we are the better ones, when in reality only God can truly judge us.
"For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; it is he who will save us." Isaiah 33:22
Believe it or not, I had a small tinge of happiness in my soul when I heard Rush Limbaugh may have had a heart attack (how horrible is that!). I have cursed out my husband. Wished harm on people I hardly know (bad drivers "just wait until you crash because you were following too closely, you deserved it!").
In reality, no one is 100% good. Evil lurkes inside all of us. Rich and I always discuss the fact that all humans are capable of murder. This fact is what has kept us separated from God for all of eternity.
I believe Jesus died so we all (that's every single imperfect human who ever walked the face of the earth) could have a chance of being in a relationship with God. No one can make it on their own merits, not Pat Robertson, not me, not even Mother Theresa. We've all judged others, lied, stealed, called people names, been greedy, or disobeyed God in some manner. It's impossible to be holy enough to enter heaven without a mediator, Jesus Christ, who paid the price for our sins. He took on our punishment, so we wouldn't have to.
Isaiah 53:4-6
"Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all."
The good thing is once you're in Heaven there is no hate, there is only love. There is no judgment from other humans, only peace with God. We will forget we ever had animosity towards one another. All we will know is God. God is love, he is the way, the truth and the life. To be in his presence in heaven will be in the presence of complete holiness and goodness.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" Revelation 21:4
I believe that to be the truth, whether or not Pat Robertson says stupid things. I say stupid things all the time that I'm sure God and other Christians may not agree with. I guess in the end the real question is what is his relationship with God like, what is in his heart. Only he and God can answer that one... It's so easy to say someone isn't a "real christian." But like I said before, am I a "real christian" when I'm cursing out my husband and not forgiving him for stupid stuff like leaving his jacket in the recyling bin (Don't ask!)?
I know I will continue to judge Pat Robertson and his big mouth, but I will try to bite my tongue, remembering I too am a sinner, with a knack of saying the wrong thing, and fall short of the glory of God. How many times have I said something to make myself feel better about myself, or something to make others feel negatively about someone else...
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29
I will pray to God to to forgive me when I say stupid things. And I will pray to God to help me forgive Pat Robertson and other Christians I believe are tarnishing the Kingdom of God. If we can't forgive others, how can we expect God to forgive us. I know I need forgiveness.
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35)
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
There's so much more I can say about this - but they'll be plenty of other opportunities to blog (about having a pure heart, the fruits of the spirit, loving the least among these, etc.)
Good night and God bless everyone, especially those in Haiti right now. Take shelter in God's loving arms. He is ready and willing to take on your burdens.
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." - Isaiah 68:19
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Dichotomy
I was driving home from work today and realized that it's actually light out at 5pm. That brought joy to my heart, thinking each day from now until June 21st will be a little bit lighter later than the one before. As I admired the beautiful pink/blue sky horizon, I realized that you cannot realize the importance of something until you understand its opposite. Imagine if it was always dark out (half the year in parts of Alaska), then when you would see the sun it would be a joyous occasion, because of what you knew you had been missing. And the same thing if it was always sunny out. Once you had a glimpse of darkness, you would be happy with the change.
I realize how much I love the summer heat after four months of below freezing weather and snow in Central New York, even though in the middle of the hot summer, I'd rather it be snowing.
Farmers realize the need for rain after a long drought, and the need for sun, after lots of rain flooding their crops.
Although, God our creator made the world and saw that it was "good," he also allowed for free will. Within his created world, angels (like the devil who fell from grace) and humans had the freedom to be disobedient and "bad." God wanted us to choose Him. He didn't want to force Himself on us.
How would we know what God's goodness was all about unless we first knew what it wasn't. God's first interaction with humans provide us with that chance.
"And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." Genesis 2:16-17
He told us what to do and what not to do. It wasn't until Adam and Eve made the wrong choice that they realized what the right choice truly was.
God gave the 10 Commandments to the people of Israel to help them realize that doing certain things are AGAINST the laws of God. In order to help people understand His laws, He told them when not to do. "Thou shall not..."
But just because you have two options doesn't mean each one has to be experienced.
I don't know if I have any real points with this. I think in the end it's just important to remember that when you're really annoyed with something think of the reasons why it exists in the first place.
Rain nourishes plants to grow, as does a hot sun. And although some things are "wrong" or "evil", they help us realize what is truly important. Think of all the horrible moments (9-11, earthquakes, hurricanes) that force us to look at our lives and what's truly important.
Let me digress a little further, for each thing that takes our thoughts off God, imagine if we were forced to only think of God 24/7. Instead God gives us the freedom to put Him first. He puts the desire for Him in our heart so we'll want him and strive to be closer to Him. Everything we find beauty in, everything we feel we're lacking, and everything we feel we need to be complete, is an internal desire to be closer to God and reconcile that relationship in our soul.
Thank you God for the rain, for the sun, for our freedom, and for the desire to be close to you in our hearts.
I realize how much I love the summer heat after four months of below freezing weather and snow in Central New York, even though in the middle of the hot summer, I'd rather it be snowing.
Farmers realize the need for rain after a long drought, and the need for sun, after lots of rain flooding their crops.
Although, God our creator made the world and saw that it was "good," he also allowed for free will. Within his created world, angels (like the devil who fell from grace) and humans had the freedom to be disobedient and "bad." God wanted us to choose Him. He didn't want to force Himself on us.
How would we know what God's goodness was all about unless we first knew what it wasn't. God's first interaction with humans provide us with that chance.
"And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." Genesis 2:16-17
He told us what to do and what not to do. It wasn't until Adam and Eve made the wrong choice that they realized what the right choice truly was.
God gave the 10 Commandments to the people of Israel to help them realize that doing certain things are AGAINST the laws of God. In order to help people understand His laws, He told them when not to do. "Thou shall not..."
But just because you have two options doesn't mean each one has to be experienced.
I don't know if I have any real points with this. I think in the end it's just important to remember that when you're really annoyed with something think of the reasons why it exists in the first place.
Rain nourishes plants to grow, as does a hot sun. And although some things are "wrong" or "evil", they help us realize what is truly important. Think of all the horrible moments (9-11, earthquakes, hurricanes) that force us to look at our lives and what's truly important.
Let me digress a little further, for each thing that takes our thoughts off God, imagine if we were forced to only think of God 24/7. Instead God gives us the freedom to put Him first. He puts the desire for Him in our heart so we'll want him and strive to be closer to Him. Everything we find beauty in, everything we feel we're lacking, and everything we feel we need to be complete, is an internal desire to be closer to God and reconcile that relationship in our soul.
Thank you God for the rain, for the sun, for our freedom, and for the desire to be close to you in our hearts.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Headaches
I have a headache today and don't really feel like writing anything. All I feel compelled to say is that I felt for a moment today like the devil was trying to take control of me. Feelings of anger towards strangers in cars, feelings of being discontent with my life the way it currently is, feelings of wanting to do nothing because of a stupid headache (I skipped bible study tonight). It all came on very suddenly and I knew immediately, this feeling isn't right.
I still have my headache but I'm trying to remind myself that I shouldn't listen to the "voice inside my head" if that voice is leading me away from God.
Discernment is a gift that some people have more than others. I try my best but I realize the more I dig into God's word, the more the devil tries to lead me astray. He's sneaky that one...
In my bible study at church we are reading alot of scriptures from Psalms that are very inspiring. I think I will dive into that to bring me closer to God, and maybe I will try to memorize some and utilize them if I have another evening like this.
My goal is to put God first. He has blessed me so much, it's the least I can do.
I still have my headache but I'm trying to remind myself that I shouldn't listen to the "voice inside my head" if that voice is leading me away from God.
Discernment is a gift that some people have more than others. I try my best but I realize the more I dig into God's word, the more the devil tries to lead me astray. He's sneaky that one...
In my bible study at church we are reading alot of scriptures from Psalms that are very inspiring. I think I will dive into that to bring me closer to God, and maybe I will try to memorize some and utilize them if I have another evening like this.
My goal is to put God first. He has blessed me so much, it's the least I can do.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Music and Regrets
About 10 years ago my brother bought me a guitar for Christmas. He promised to teach me how to play. He taught me a few chords one evening but we never had another lesson again. A few years passed and then my husband taught me a few chords (probably the same ones). I practiced for a few days and was able to play the first few notes to "Not for You" by Pearl Jam. I was so proud of myself! That was probably 5 years ago.
Here am, tonight, watching the documentary "It Might Get Loud," and thinking about my dusty guitar sitting in the closet, lonely and unplayed. Whatever happened to my ambitions? Not to become some amazing, famous guitarist (because God and I both know that would never happen!) but to just learn the basics of this beautiful instrument that has brought so much joy to my life since I was 15 years old.
I came to realize that you truly have to have a passion and amazing motivation to learn something new at 25 years old. It's not as if I was 15 years old and spent an entire summer playing guitar. When I was 15 years old I spent my time listening to alternative rock, reading music magazines and biographies, and watching 120 minutes on MTV. My life was music, like the kid down the street who played guitar, but I was learning the lyrics, the music from the song as a whole, the feeling I got from the albums, and learning about the history of these bands. My passion was for the experience of listening to and feeling the music. My passion was for the story behind the music. I never had or knew the passion for playing.
But that's ok! God provides us all with different passions and different talents. I have a talent for becoming obsessed over things that bring me joy (like Pearl Jam). I have a talent for finding information and sharing that information with others (even if it's about things I care about and they don't, like Pearl Jam!). I believe I have a talent for writing, but about 8 years ago I went from writing poetry and fiction to just writing editorial emails to my family (and now editorial blogs for myself and the two people who read this). That still is writing though, right? I'm thinking about joining a creative writers meetup on Wednesday nights when Rich starts school in two weeks. I feel if I get back involved with the creative writing process and be forced to write because I know every week people will be expecting something from me, maybe I can conjur up something of some value.
I may have changed though. Poetry and fiction may not be where my interest or motivation lies anymore, and that's ok. But sometimes I wonder, what if I had kept writing after I got married. What if I had a whole book full of poems that wasn't about the depressing and anxiety filled moments of my teen years and college years? What would my poetry look like if I had written it when I was actually pretty content with my life? Don't get me wrong, I'm still learning about myself and life, and where God wants me to be, but the last 8 years were so much happier than the previous 8. I know my creativity would have been pushed in a whole different direction...
We can't hold on to what if's. In fact, "what if's" really don't exist. They can't exist! You can't change the past, plain and simple. I am who I am right now based on my past experiences and nothing can change that. All I can do is continue forward each day of my life and try to make the decisions that I feel God wants me to make and that I feel will best help me in my life.
...So I will continue to listen to beautiful music, whether it's alternative, hard, indie, folk, classic rock, whatever! ...And I will continue to be jealous of those individuals who can create those amazing sounds (Mike McCready on Yellow Ledbetter, every time you make me want to cry!) ...And I will continue to write what my fingers want to write, even if it's just a blog devoted to random things that no one really cares about except me.
Good night.
ps - Check out "It Might Get Loud" with Jimmy Page, The Edge, and Jack White, it's fascinating!
Here am, tonight, watching the documentary "It Might Get Loud," and thinking about my dusty guitar sitting in the closet, lonely and unplayed. Whatever happened to my ambitions? Not to become some amazing, famous guitarist (because God and I both know that would never happen!) but to just learn the basics of this beautiful instrument that has brought so much joy to my life since I was 15 years old.
I came to realize that you truly have to have a passion and amazing motivation to learn something new at 25 years old. It's not as if I was 15 years old and spent an entire summer playing guitar. When I was 15 years old I spent my time listening to alternative rock, reading music magazines and biographies, and watching 120 minutes on MTV. My life was music, like the kid down the street who played guitar, but I was learning the lyrics, the music from the song as a whole, the feeling I got from the albums, and learning about the history of these bands. My passion was for the experience of listening to and feeling the music. My passion was for the story behind the music. I never had or knew the passion for playing.
But that's ok! God provides us all with different passions and different talents. I have a talent for becoming obsessed over things that bring me joy (like Pearl Jam). I have a talent for finding information and sharing that information with others (even if it's about things I care about and they don't, like Pearl Jam!). I believe I have a talent for writing, but about 8 years ago I went from writing poetry and fiction to just writing editorial emails to my family (and now editorial blogs for myself and the two people who read this). That still is writing though, right? I'm thinking about joining a creative writers meetup on Wednesday nights when Rich starts school in two weeks. I feel if I get back involved with the creative writing process and be forced to write because I know every week people will be expecting something from me, maybe I can conjur up something of some value.
I may have changed though. Poetry and fiction may not be where my interest or motivation lies anymore, and that's ok. But sometimes I wonder, what if I had kept writing after I got married. What if I had a whole book full of poems that wasn't about the depressing and anxiety filled moments of my teen years and college years? What would my poetry look like if I had written it when I was actually pretty content with my life? Don't get me wrong, I'm still learning about myself and life, and where God wants me to be, but the last 8 years were so much happier than the previous 8. I know my creativity would have been pushed in a whole different direction...
We can't hold on to what if's. In fact, "what if's" really don't exist. They can't exist! You can't change the past, plain and simple. I am who I am right now based on my past experiences and nothing can change that. All I can do is continue forward each day of my life and try to make the decisions that I feel God wants me to make and that I feel will best help me in my life.
...So I will continue to listen to beautiful music, whether it's alternative, hard, indie, folk, classic rock, whatever! ...And I will continue to be jealous of those individuals who can create those amazing sounds (Mike McCready on Yellow Ledbetter, every time you make me want to cry!) ...And I will continue to write what my fingers want to write, even if it's just a blog devoted to random things that no one really cares about except me.
Good night.
ps - Check out "It Might Get Loud" with Jimmy Page, The Edge, and Jack White, it's fascinating!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
God's blessings
I just want to take this time to thank God for all the blessings he has given me.
My loving and beautiful husband
My supportive family
A great job
Cute cuddly dogs
Awesome genuine and nice friends
A roof over my head
Food on the table
Peace of mind
Personal struggles that have led to having a compassionate heart
Desire to help people
A running vehicle
Being there for me as I have dealt with my own personal burdens
Funds to pay my bills on time
Music and lyrics
Books
Butterflies
All dogs
Forgiveness
God is constantly at work in our lives, providing us with things to be at awe over, things to use, and things to help us through tough times. Best of all, God has blessed us with the redeeming blood of Jesus Christ. Thank you!
My loving and beautiful husband
My supportive family
A great job
Cute cuddly dogs
Awesome genuine and nice friends
A roof over my head
Food on the table
Peace of mind
Personal struggles that have led to having a compassionate heart
Desire to help people
A running vehicle
Being there for me as I have dealt with my own personal burdens
Funds to pay my bills on time
Music and lyrics
Books
Butterflies
All dogs
Forgiveness
God is constantly at work in our lives, providing us with things to be at awe over, things to use, and things to help us through tough times. Best of all, God has blessed us with the redeeming blood of Jesus Christ. Thank you!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Little dogs and sloth
As I sit here I have a little white dog on my lap. This makes it very difficult to type, but that's ok because I'm not really feeling the urge to write anything thought-provoking or insightful. So I'm getting a little lazy (slothful, if you will, if that's even a word). Which is interesting, because this morning I really didn't want to wake up. I had a dentist appt. and then had to go to work afterwards. I just kept thinking about how I didn't want to go to the appt. I wish I could call in. But even though I felt fatigued, I didn't feel sick, and I didn't want to waste my sick time unless I was really sick. But then I was thinking, what would I do if I called in sick today? I would lie around the house for a few hours watching stupid shows on TLC and Discovery Health. Maybe I would search the web at the same time and a few more hours on top of that. If I got really adventuress I might have done a load of laundry. But in reality, I would just be hanging out doing nothing productive, and not even "getting better" cause I wasn't really sick. And in the end I would be left with a crap load of extra work at work the next day.
So why do we so desire to do nothing? I don't think it's that way all the time. Most days I actually look forward to going to work because I love my job and I have so much to do. I want to accomplish something, and when I do accomplish that thing (finish a project, what-have-you) I feel a sense of pride in myself. Now I know pride isn't good (that's another blog for another time), but it's good to have moments where you are proud of yourself if you had doubts about your ability to do something. It gives you confidence.
Anyway, back to being a sloth... there are also days when I wake up and don't want to do a damn thing. Today was one of those days. But then I was riding to work after my appointment, I thought about God and why he put us on this earth. I also thought about Genesis, the story of God's creation... God has a job. He is the Creator of the universe. Everything that is in nature has become what it is because of Him. God rested on the 7th day. He didn't take day 3 and 4 off cause he was tired of working. He put in his 6 days and then rested.
I also realized after my two 4 day weekends in a row (thanks to working for a school district) that it was actually TOO much time to have on your hands without any productive plan. In fact New Years weekend I was pretty much tired of being tired, and looking forward to getting back to work. I felt unaccomplished, lazy, and almost down on myself for not taking advantage of the free time I had to do more productive things. We watched a lot of movies, ate a lot of chocolate and gained a few pounds in the process.
(As you can probably tell from how much I've written so far, the little white dog is no longer on my lap, forcing me to be more productive in my blog writing).
In conclusion, we were made by Our Creator (who is by nature a Creator) in His image and likeness. The thing that separates humans from other mammals is our ability to create. Humans create things through their jobs. They make hamburgers, make wood pallets, made lesson plans, I make memos. Name a job, and that person creates something. People create images, they can create advertisement, they create ideas, they create music (and on and on, you get the idea). But we have to take time away from our creation to focus on God (i.e. the Sabbath). God doesn't want us becoming lazy, so He puts us to work, just as he worked and still works to this day. But he understands the energy it takes to create, and provided us with a day to rest and refocus. When provided too much time, we can become lazy. When not provided enough time, we can become burned out. There has to be a middle ground. Make sure you take your breaks, make sure you find time to yourself, but do not let yourself go. If you need to get something done, do it and gladly, and then reward yourself with a short break. God put us here for a purpose, work balanced with the appropriate amount of rest. And know you CAN glorify God in secular jobs (but again, another blog for another time).
I don't know if I have any other points to make. Rich is home, so I think we're going to be lazy tonight and go out to eat. Good night :)
So why do we so desire to do nothing? I don't think it's that way all the time. Most days I actually look forward to going to work because I love my job and I have so much to do. I want to accomplish something, and when I do accomplish that thing (finish a project, what-have-you) I feel a sense of pride in myself. Now I know pride isn't good (that's another blog for another time), but it's good to have moments where you are proud of yourself if you had doubts about your ability to do something. It gives you confidence.
Anyway, back to being a sloth... there are also days when I wake up and don't want to do a damn thing. Today was one of those days. But then I was riding to work after my appointment, I thought about God and why he put us on this earth. I also thought about Genesis, the story of God's creation... God has a job. He is the Creator of the universe. Everything that is in nature has become what it is because of Him. God rested on the 7th day. He didn't take day 3 and 4 off cause he was tired of working. He put in his 6 days and then rested.
I also realized after my two 4 day weekends in a row (thanks to working for a school district) that it was actually TOO much time to have on your hands without any productive plan. In fact New Years weekend I was pretty much tired of being tired, and looking forward to getting back to work. I felt unaccomplished, lazy, and almost down on myself for not taking advantage of the free time I had to do more productive things. We watched a lot of movies, ate a lot of chocolate and gained a few pounds in the process.
(As you can probably tell from how much I've written so far, the little white dog is no longer on my lap, forcing me to be more productive in my blog writing).
In conclusion, we were made by Our Creator (who is by nature a Creator) in His image and likeness. The thing that separates humans from other mammals is our ability to create. Humans create things through their jobs. They make hamburgers, make wood pallets, made lesson plans, I make memos. Name a job, and that person creates something. People create images, they can create advertisement, they create ideas, they create music (and on and on, you get the idea). But we have to take time away from our creation to focus on God (i.e. the Sabbath). God doesn't want us becoming lazy, so He puts us to work, just as he worked and still works to this day. But he understands the energy it takes to create, and provided us with a day to rest and refocus. When provided too much time, we can become lazy. When not provided enough time, we can become burned out. There has to be a middle ground. Make sure you take your breaks, make sure you find time to yourself, but do not let yourself go. If you need to get something done, do it and gladly, and then reward yourself with a short break. God put us here for a purpose, work balanced with the appropriate amount of rest. And know you CAN glorify God in secular jobs (but again, another blog for another time).
I don't know if I have any other points to make. Rich is home, so I think we're going to be lazy tonight and go out to eat. Good night :)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Hormones part II
So I'm still hormonal. I haven't really done too much research on the God & Hormones thing, except some quick internet searches (Bible Gateway, Google, etc.) and there really isn't anything out there.
I saw some essays written by people with strong opinions on what they think God uses hormones for. One individual believes PMS is a recent manifestation from processed foods and growth hormones in cows. The author of this one article believes that before the mid 1800's no women ever had PMS. The symptoms of PMS are based on what we put into our body. I find that hard to believe. I know that certain foods and medicines may not help, but the Bible still says that God gave women the pains of childbirth... and I believe every month women have a small dose of those pains to prepare us.
Another article I read talked about how hormones are necessary for God's purpose for a woman's reproductive system. So basically, hormones and menstruation are God's way of furthering the human race: "be fruitful and multiply." That's common sense in my opinion. This is an obvious example of how God created us with a purpose... but that made me a little depressed. I have all the symptoms of "be fruitful and multiply" without the ability to meet the ends. So I got a little angry for about 2 minutes. Why do I have to feel crappy a few days out of each month for most of my adult life and still not be able to reap the rewards God intended from my body's efforts? Bitter, 100 percent yes...
After years of "throwing caution to the wind" and then more years of intentially trying to start a family, my monthly friend has become a source of pain and bitterness. Every month I go through another day or two of anger, sadness, and bitterness. I know this is getting kind of personal, but this is important to look at when thinking of how our body and its functions relate to what God intended for our lives.
How do I reconcile my mood swings, and icky feelings with the fact that, as far as I know, these hormones aren't doing anything to help me start the biological family I believe I deserve to have - the family everyone else is allowed, but we're not? If I could turn off my body's hormone switch because I'm not getting anything out of my efforts, I would definitely do it. But God has other plans.
The truth is I want a family, but God knows my needs better than I do, and he has a perfect plan for my life. He has had this plan before I was born. Psalms 139:16 says "your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
It's really hard to sit back and let God do His thing. I go back and forth between being faithful and being bitter. I hope I'm faithful more than I'm bitter, but I do get angry with God sometimes. He knows it. But we all have burdens we are meant to carry. Not that God intends for anyone to be sick. That goes against his initial will for His people. But God still uses all things for good. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Something good will come out of my burden. I know it. I have already been able to talk with others about my experience and encourage them to seek out God to help comfort them in their own experience of loss.
I guess I have to try to remember all of this each month when I rip Rich apart, and cry for no reason because my hormones are doing their job the best they can, even if God has other plans for me for the month. God is still with me every day (the good and the bad) and His plan for me is better than anything I could ever plan for myself and my husband.
But lastly, the most important thing I need to remember is I already have a family. Richard is my family. Children do not make a family. Love makes a family.
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Good night.
I saw some essays written by people with strong opinions on what they think God uses hormones for. One individual believes PMS is a recent manifestation from processed foods and growth hormones in cows. The author of this one article believes that before the mid 1800's no women ever had PMS. The symptoms of PMS are based on what we put into our body. I find that hard to believe. I know that certain foods and medicines may not help, but the Bible still says that God gave women the pains of childbirth... and I believe every month women have a small dose of those pains to prepare us.
Another article I read talked about how hormones are necessary for God's purpose for a woman's reproductive system. So basically, hormones and menstruation are God's way of furthering the human race: "be fruitful and multiply." That's common sense in my opinion. This is an obvious example of how God created us with a purpose... but that made me a little depressed. I have all the symptoms of "be fruitful and multiply" without the ability to meet the ends. So I got a little angry for about 2 minutes. Why do I have to feel crappy a few days out of each month for most of my adult life and still not be able to reap the rewards God intended from my body's efforts? Bitter, 100 percent yes...
After years of "throwing caution to the wind" and then more years of intentially trying to start a family, my monthly friend has become a source of pain and bitterness. Every month I go through another day or two of anger, sadness, and bitterness. I know this is getting kind of personal, but this is important to look at when thinking of how our body and its functions relate to what God intended for our lives.
How do I reconcile my mood swings, and icky feelings with the fact that, as far as I know, these hormones aren't doing anything to help me start the biological family I believe I deserve to have - the family everyone else is allowed, but we're not? If I could turn off my body's hormone switch because I'm not getting anything out of my efforts, I would definitely do it. But God has other plans.
The truth is I want a family, but God knows my needs better than I do, and he has a perfect plan for my life. He has had this plan before I was born. Psalms 139:16 says "your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
It's really hard to sit back and let God do His thing. I go back and forth between being faithful and being bitter. I hope I'm faithful more than I'm bitter, but I do get angry with God sometimes. He knows it. But we all have burdens we are meant to carry. Not that God intends for anyone to be sick. That goes against his initial will for His people. But God still uses all things for good. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Something good will come out of my burden. I know it. I have already been able to talk with others about my experience and encourage them to seek out God to help comfort them in their own experience of loss.
I guess I have to try to remember all of this each month when I rip Rich apart, and cry for no reason because my hormones are doing their job the best they can, even if God has other plans for me for the month. God is still with me every day (the good and the bad) and His plan for me is better than anything I could ever plan for myself and my husband.
But lastly, the most important thing I need to remember is I already have a family. Richard is my family. Children do not make a family. Love makes a family.
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Good night.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Hormones
What does the Bible say about hormones? I'm going to figure it out. Because, honestly, this whole mellowness in 2010 thing is proving a lot harder than I thought (I know! It's only been two days). And it appears whenever I'm hormonal, I kind of forget that God even exists and is there for me. In fact, I get pretty crazy and mean. This seriously bothers me. Did God realize when he created male and female (and their corresponding hormones) that this may prove to be an issue for relationships and marriages for life? I'm going to do some research and see what the Holy Spirit has to say about it.
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Years 2010
I just finished reading Donald Millers "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." The entire book is about creating the stories of your life, not just the written story on a page and Miller did writing this book, but story by story, the life you are living. We all have stories in our lives, some we are proud of, some we are not proud of. I realized that I'm always trying to create new stories in my life, but that IS my story, the desire to create, not the creation itself, which in the long run is not a good story (in my opinion). I need to stop thinking about the future, and just think about the present. The now. The day God has given me today to do something with. Each day does not need to be a huge accomplishment in terms of success at work or within my career. I realized that my success in each day, in each story, has to do with how am I glorifying God in this moment. I don't always make it though. Today I will be vegetating, watching a lot of TV, reading, maybe do a little cleaning if I feel up to it. But I'm taking a day to rest. But I can still try and glorify God through my interactions with my husband and dogs. I told Richard 2010 will be a mellow year. I won't let things get to me like I usually do. I can only do that through focusing myself on God. I know we all make new years resolutions, but this resolution is one that I should be making every day of my life, not just at new years. Everything else is secondary and will fall from being successful in meeting this resolution.
Put God First
Happy New Year!!!
Put God First
Happy New Year!!!
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