I have actually been fasting from more than just the internet. I gave myself 3 fasts:
1. no internet
2. no pulling hair (I have trichotillomania if you didn't already know - that's a whole other series of blogs within itself)
3. no bad food (i.e. chocolate candy, chocolate chip cookies, or fast food like fries and McDonald's hamburgers)
So far the only one I've been able to completely keep is #3. So I'm overall happy with the way this has been going because I thought that would have been the hardest to keep. To me, the fact that I haven't had any candy bars in 2.5 weeks, and I haven't had any chocolate chip cookies in 2.5 weeks is really a miracle. I think it helped that the night before I started to fast, I was really sick, nauseous and couldn't eat anything. All this after eating M&Ms and two peanut butter cups. God was talking to me loud and clear - no more candy for you! I'm dedicated to keep this fast going until at least Easter. I will not use Sunday as an excuse to break the chocolate fast. I did have two pieces of chocolate cake and chocolate pudding and a cup of hot cocoa over the past few weeks. But my fast wasn't just any chocolate, it was specific to candy and cookies so in that regard it's been a success.
In regard to the internet fast, the first week was fine. I didn't go on at all. But then I started sneaking a look at yahoo, and twitter. A few more days past and I started sneaking a look at facebook. I was still limiting my actual online time to about 5 minutes a day, so that wasn't bad. And I still didn't post anything. But in the past week I've been checking my i-phone at work again. I've sent out a handful of emails. And today I put two posts on Facebook. So in the past few days I've been online for about 10-15 minutes a day. Again, still less than it was prior to the start of Lent, but more than I want it to be.
I've fallen a little bit, but I'm going to pick myself up again tomorrow and re-begin my internet fast. I realized I can't hide from phone texts and I will continue to use those.
Has my internet fast helped me in communicating with others on a more personal level? I have found it hasn't made that much of a difference because on a normal weekly basis there really aren't that many people I try to get in contact with to make plans anyway.
I spoke to a few of my siblings on the phone, and my mom, and maybe two friends over the course of the 2.5 weeks. But I realized that most of my communicating with people is over facebook statuses. And those are things that I would not just pick up the phone to call people with. Facebook provides me (and others) with a platform to communicate with a large amount of people that I care about and keep them updated on my life, as does this blog. Honestly, if I didn't have facebook, my siblings would probably find out about my life from my mom (because I do try to call her every week or two) and my friends would find out when we hang out every month or so what's going on in my life. Now people pretty much know what's going on as it happens. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Personally, I think if the people on your facebook page are people you really care about, there's nothing wrong with them finding out things about you in that way, as long as it doesn't take away from your intimate in-person relationship. People still need to hang out face-to-face to get something meaningful out of a relationship. I do wish I talked to my siblings weekly, and that is something I want to work on establishing. I have a handful of friends that I want to continue to cultivate closer relationships with and I will make sure I contact them in any way I can to make sure that happens. I'm an introvert so I don't need a lot of acquaintances. Give me 2-3 really awesome friends and I'm content :)
In terms of my relationship with God over the past few weeks, I think it's doing better. I'm putting myself out there by attending young adult groups. I'm going to my first one at church today, and on Friday I attended a non-denominational group in Syracuse. I've been reading the book of Matthew (on my I-phone at times too!) and thinking about about what God wants me to do in ministry. Is he calling me to help others in my age group become connected or re-connected to God, or is he calling me to actually lead other Christians in a small group or some other way? I don't know yet. But I'm trying to listen to what the holy spirit has to say.
I'm still unsatisfied with my prayer life and I think that needs to be the next area I should focus on. After today, I will refocus my thoughts on God and try to seek out his wisdom in what I should do next. How can God use me to glorify His name here on earth? How can I truly love other people and carry forth the message of Jesus's love for them? I really need to speak to God to hear His voice, and not just listen to sermons and Christian music. I need to have a conversation with God Himself... That's always been the hardest thing for me.
I did have a small revelation the other day. A friend was having a bad time with something of which I have had previous experience also dealing with, and I realized maybe God allowed me to have that burden in life so I could help my friend with the same burden. It doesn't mean I'll always have the burden, but at this point in my life it's important for me to be able to empathize with this individual to be her support. Once I realized that I was so grateful to God for His faithfulness, and His belief that I could be an encourager to my friend and love her the way Jesus calls me to. God DOES make all things work out for good.
One other area I'm struggling with lately is how do I fit in. I have so many different types of friends, and acquaintances and family members with different worldviews, yet I don't feel I fit in with any of them completely because there will always be something I think that they will completely disagree with. But I need to realize that's ok, I can't be labeled, and hopefully we can have reasonable discussions about our disagreements and people won't judge me on my differences and just accept me for who I am. I can't change who I am or what I believe for the fear someone will reject me. But I can choose my words carefully, so as not to make anyone think I'm condeming them for their own beliefs. A big sigh on this subject. I love talking to people who have different opinions, let's call it dialogue, but sometimes I'm just afraid if I insert my own, I'm alienating myself. Ok, another blog for another day.
Peace, Love, God Bless,
Debi
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